Giving it up...........

[ReaperBabe]

Nick is giving up MMA............

........... I am absolutely gutted and torn. Just don't know what to do now. At first I thought is was because we were so busy with the new house but after a couple of weeks of going to trainning on my own I had to take the matter more seriously and asked him what was up. His reasons are valid: He's been in martial arts all his life and has several injuries that he just can't seem to recover from. He knows he's never gonna make it pro and sees no point pursuing the sporting side of it. It's such a shame cause everyone thinks he's an awsome glappler and some even suggested he could go on to teach.

I have used up all my counselling skills and think he actually means it this time. Thing is... I want to carry on. Like many of the girls here, I only got into it because of my partner anyways. And now I doubt if I should carry on. :(

What to do??? I need advice! And I mean I really do want your advice, not just permission. It's not about what I want or need to hear, it's about honesty.

Big big big sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........

[Ali]

I am sorry to learn that.

You started because of Nick, right? Now that he's had to leave due to his injuries, you're questioning whether you should stay or quit in his honour?

You may have started training in MMA, but since you have developed an interest of your own in the sport, it warrants you to continue your journey in MMA and not give up. By the sounds of it, Nick loves his sport but cannot continue because he's fed up with his persisting injuries. Therefore, I doubt he'd make you feel bad about going training without him. In fact, you could be his contact in MMA, so that way, he's still connected to it.

Either way, if you like MMA, then stay for that reason, as it's a good enough reason, and true.

[Magus]

Do whatever your hearts telling you to do........

[Freestyler]

Awwww.. hun i am so sorry to hear that, but Ali is right, just because Nick has stopped does not mean you should, he had to stop for very good reasons, where as you can continue, keep going, but still involve Nick in every way you can, just because he has stopped training does not mean he has not stopped loving the sport, and you can be the bridge between the gap! Maybe teaching would be a good idea as his next step, let him get over the fact that he has had to stop first and let him make the final choice, just let him know that even though you want to continue, you will support him in what ever he chooses to do next. Tell him good luck from me an Paul hun xx :)

[ReaperBabe]

Problem is he's in denial now. He hasn't watched a single instructional or show DVD in weeks. Hasn't even watched any TWC... that is SERIOUS!

Thing is, we are all good and close friends at the Reapers and he's pushing everyone away so he doesn't have to deal with his own demons. If I insist I'll feel like I'm nagging and that's deffo not me. But if I leave it he'll bury his head in the sand, hoping it will all go away and everyone will forget about him...

I think deep down he's hurting like crazy that he has to finally give up his passion and resign to the fact. He's a "burn all bridges behind you" kinda guy. Anyone else felt like that, having to give it up? How did you deal with it?

[EvilRachel]

Keep going. It's your hobby. There's absolutely no reason for you not to go.

Don't quite understand why you would give up because Nick doesn't want to train? That makes no sense to me. Why would his decision affect your training? You evidently want to compete and like the sport, so why would you stop?

This is not computing in my logical brain!

Rach (didn't get into MMA because of any man either! :p )

[Ali]

You have to let him deal with it as best as HE feels he can..that way he will heal better. You can still train, and not rub it in his face, if it's the case that he's hurting from not being in the sport any more.

That's how some people deal with the loss of something/someone that means a damn load to them - they have to cut off in order to heal. Once they've healed, then they won't be so phased the next time they come accross it.

I have chronic injuries which no one can seem to heal. It hurts like mad and makes things difficult. I was off this sport for almost 2 full years...it is a very painful episode to accept. I have returned, as I have found ways to live with these injuries...maybe one day my fuse will burn out, until then I will go as far as I can.

[Silent_Assassin]

go with you're heart hun.
F_O_K
x

[ReaperBabe]

Ali, you are seriously freaking me out! You think like me, you come accross as me...Are you my conscious? My long lost twin?? Lol

You talk a lot of sense. I would give it up in his honour if it ment it would ease his pain. Of course I don't want to rub it in his face, it would be hard not to though cause I do watch a lot of MMA, go to shows and of course a lot of our friends are Reapers.

Because we have included so much in our everyday life, it would be hard to burn all bridges for him. By walking away from it all it means he walks away from a lifestyle and friends. I' just concerned that eventually it would come between us, cause I am quite passionate and enthusiastic (in case you hadn't noticed lol!)

[Ali]

;)

Not what you want to read, but it's worth noting:

Life is a journey, where we all have our own destinations. Some people join us on that journey because they are travelling in the same direction as us. But because we are all different, we have different destinations, therefore, if it were a bus ride, some people will inevitable get off the bus before, with, and after us.

You have to continue your life as you have when it comes to MMA. Nick will learn to handle it and will eventually be alright with being exposed to shows/dvd/social circle - just not for the time being as he's healing.

Also, I expect he is not selfish, therefore, he would want you to be happy, even if that means you stay in MMA. You don't have to go down with your ship, because it aint sinking ;)

[ReaperBabe]

No Ali, i DO want to read hun! Unfortunately I tend to go over things in my mind for a long time. I tend to ponder on all avenues and posibilities.

I spend a lot of time listening to people, couselling, advising, treating etc and unfortunately I deal with myself as I would deal with any subject/patient and find it hard to put distance between myself and the problem. I need to step back and ease off. I hate being a worrier... LOL!

[EvilRachel]

Sounds like you need a good, hard training session to take your mind off of things......;)

[ReaperBabe]

Sounds like you need a good, hard training session to take your mind off of things......;)
You know me all too well, damm you! :p

Ok I admit I'm missing it and I'm running out of tiles in the bathroom to smash. My frustration levels are soaring and even I have to admit that sex twice a day only goes so far ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

StevieB, babe, you are so on for tonight. Bring it on! ok ok you should be able to kick my ass real good, you've been training for your fight for weeks now! Can't wait to roll with you, just leave the neck alone ;)

[EvilRachel]

Hehehhe. Reasonable talk and counselling my big fat hairy arse. :D

[ReaperBabe]

Hehehhe. Reasonable talk and counselling my big fat hairy arse. :D

Your bum is tiny and smooth, so there!

Anyone else out there whose partners have given up or thinking of giving up a passion?? How did you deal with it?

[Ali]

I have a feeling that all will be fine, as it appears you have a good idea of how to handle this :)

What does ROFLMAO stand for please ;)

[ReaperBabe]

Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off...:cool:

It only took me a year to realize what TTT ment ;)

[Ali]

Thank you for explaining ROFLMAO

so, what's IMO and IMAO...?

[ReaperBabe]

IMO = In My Opinion,
IMHO = In my Humble Opinion

IMAO = In My Arsy Opinion???

:D

[Ali]

:) Ah, thank you!

How're you feeling now, with regards to your original post?

[ReaperBabe]

Much better, thanx :) . It does help me to brainstorm. I've given up sports and activities over the years that I felt very passionate about so I do know how hard it is.

I just want to try and help him but sometimes you just have to learn to do nothing.

[Ali]

'nothing' is an undefined term... as it indicates 'no thing'. So, by doing nothing you are in fact doing something - and that in turn helps Nick, you, and the situation. All is just ;)

[r-v]

Problem is he's in denial now. He hasn't watched a single instructional or show DVD in weeks. Hasn't even watched any TWC... that is SERIOUS!

Thing is, we are all good and close friends at the Reapers and he's pushing everyone away so he doesn't have to deal with his own demons. If I insist I'll feel like I'm nagging and that's deffo not me. But if I leave it he'll bury his head in the sand, hoping it will all go away and everyone will forget about him...

I think deep down he's hurting like crazy that he has to finally give up his passion and resign to the fact. He's a "burn all bridges behind you" kinda guy. Anyone else felt like that, having to give it up? How did you deal with it?

When I got injured badly a few years ago, I was told not to do much sport activity. I felt like shit and didn't want to read or watch any thing that was MMA related cos I felt Jealous of the guys fighting and training. To get my mind of things I ended up playing allot of games on the playstation and eating junk.

But it didn't last long I ended up doing freelancing reporting mainly interviewing fighters etc for a few MMA sites like MMA Universe (I know some ppl don't like them but they are more then happy to post my interviews) and Nokaut which is a Croatian MMA site. I knew if I wasn't going to train properly I should still some way contribute to the sport I love.

I would try to steer your Hubby in the same way or he could start teaching children classes at the community centre. Teaching children can help with the process of knowing he will not be fighting but he could be giving some one else there start in training in the sport to later in life possible competing.

I hope what I said helps in some way

[Ali]

"he could be giving some one else there start"

- and that would be a positive contribution for sure (no sarcasm, in case it came accross that way).

[DianeB]

Hiya Pip, how does Nick feel about you training? Wouldn't he feel worse if you stopped training as well? Is it something he's been thinking about for awhile or is it out of the blue?

All the best Di. x

[david5]

it'd be a shame if you quit too. not knowing what nick is going through it's hard to suggest how best to help him, if indeed he needs any help. he's a big boy and can surely make his own decisions, if one day down the line he decides he wants to come back to the fold be there to help him out. he sounds like an all or nothing type guy, so i might understand where he's coming from.

p.s. ali: lmao - laugh my ass off. (it's a lower case L not an i)

[donna]

hey hun sounds like crap time. just to put the cat amongst the pigeons!! if he really wants to quit then you have to be very sure he is ok with you training, you dont want to have to choose between him or the reapers!!
i know someone who lost their relationship in exactly your circumstances so while everyone is telling you too carry on thats fine but you need to talk to nick.

[ReaperBabe]

Thanks to everyone for their input, especially R-V for the personal perspective. And thank you all for some very kind and supportive words.

I was going to go training last night but he said no once again so we ended up having a long chat instead. His final word was that he would try to go on and off for a while until he figured out which final route to take. Fair enough!

He does want me to carry on and I know he'll suppport me regardless, so I guess I need to give him some space now and focus on my training. I have decided to stop asking him to come with me as it only puts imediate pressure. I will get ready and announce I'm going training, kiss him laters and leave. It's up to him.

Ah well, it seems you're gonna have to put up with me for a while yet :D

Much love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[csmith07]

Sounds like a good plan. The less pressure there is the more he's gonna make the decision for himself and enevitably be happy within himself. Nothing worse than lying to yourself.Until he works out what it is he wants then i think you should do you own thing (as he needs to respect your wishes in the way he expects you to respect his) and train away whilst supporting him in 1. His transitional process of deciding and 2. His overall decision. During all this feel free to pound seven shades of filling out the bag when it gets too much!

What will be will be, just thought id throw my 2p in! ha ha ha:D

[Ali]

ali: lmao - laugh my ass off. (it's a lower case L not an i)

:) Thank you.

[chubs]

Good Luck RB, hope it all works out ok. I'm sure it will, maybe he's having just a mini mma mid life crisis, realising the body is failing where his mind doesn't want to. Keep strong, supportive and ever gorgeous hon and enjoy your training, all the best to you both xx

[david5]

:) Thank you.

no problem

[mikiesbuk]

If your heart isn't into something no more - you can't fight it.

Myself personally there is more to life than sport/mma/martial arts, this is just something that I have an interest in and have a half decent aptitude for.

I've dabbled with various stuff over the years and feel comfortable with the skills I've got. So long as I can hold my own nowadays - that's good enough for me. However I still once in a blue moon will attend a class and roll/spar and test myself, that's good enough for me personally...

On a side note I recently bumped into an old friend, he was pretty much "obsessed" with perfection in his chosen martial art , he was highly respected and eventually became an instructor.

His whole life was literally seminars, instructing, travelling to japan etc. etc.., Everything in his house was japanese - swords, dvds, food etc. etc.

Much to my shock, he has given this all up (over two years now) and is now doing something completely different with his spare time, but he is happy.

Another example is a friend of mine who I used to play football with, he won literally everything almost made it as a professional footballer, and now he won't even have a kick about/play a match - that to me personally is a waste of talent and he is still only 24 - I am 31.

You may find that your boyfriend will take a break from it, and come back, maybe, maybe not.

So long as your boyfriend is happy and is content with his decision, so be it.