Drunken insult thread

[Maccavelli]

So whats your best ones. as this is for commedy only i believe that sexism, homophobia etc should not only be allowed but should be encouraged.

Show us what you got.

"Your mother owes my dog fuck money"

"Fuck you ya fucking fuck"

[Godders]

What about drunken chat up lines

"The more of these i drink, the less repulsive you look"
"Your very good looking.. well considering the car crash and stuff"
"Tell you what.. im in a giving mood, you me, your mates right now for some loving. Im waiting for my taxi though.. so lets make it all about me"

[marvli]

.http://www.student.smsu.edu/s/san232s/hardfunnypics/bullshitpile-FlyNavy.jpg

[Ross]

"you smell like plump ass you bitch ass mother fucking frenchman"

[Maccavelli]

"Lick my scroat ass felcher"

"shut that bitch up before i fuck start her head"
Way of the gun-cool film

Any line from full metal jacket

[Wiegieboard]

"Yur Maws Got Claws an she's clawin it mah bawz"
"Ah Hud Yer Maw"
Throwing a 2p penny at the person you're insulting" Give this to your momma"
Sniffing the air "sniff sniff......do I smell Fish? ....oh no it's just your crusty fanny you stenchy cow"
"No wonder you're so fucking ugly because your brother's your dad"
" At night I buttfuck your mum up the ass and then I make her clean my dick with her tongue before she kisses you goodnight"
Scowling" suck my dick" pointing at your crotch.
Find a girl you don't like and slap her ass real hard then when she turns round say "Oh damn I missed, I thought it was your face"

[Hywel Teague]

full metal jacket lines rock

"i will gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you" being one of my favourites, along with "did your parents have any children that lived?"

a line i'm quite fond of is "go fuck yourself". for added insultage, try "why don't you go and play hide and go fuck yourself..."

although if i'm on one i and i'm in a rage i just shout out as many insults as i can in one long chain ie:

"motherfucker fucking bastard cunt cock fuck shit arse bastard fucking CUNT!!!"

works for me... :p

[droc]

Wales answer to Rab C Nesbitt

Insults always seem funnier and more offensive when you're drunk... the best, in an ironic way

'You drunken fucker'
'You fucking Dipso'

One I pulled out after about 10 pints and an innumerable amount of Triple Vodkas with Red Bull

'Suck my fucking Hairy Balls you turd eating piece of crap'

Lucky it didn't turn violent because I cracked myself up so bad I couldn't stop laughing

[droc]

I didn't read all that, you write too much/I'm lazy/ a combination of the two

But drunk out in the sticks stories are great!!

New Years eve... about 4 years ago I guess, Garristown '5 miles from anything resembling civilisation'

We get a lift the mile up to the village and go to one of the 2 pubs, there's 2 pubs a shop a police station that's always empty and a butchers... that's the village.

The night goes as normal... people get really pissed...

Being that the village is miles from everything closing time is when the police sergeant leaves the bar... seriously

So midnight has passed and the drinks are still flowing, 1 o clock no change... after a while most of us decide to leave (pints in hand), my mate Wayne says 'I'll follow you in a minute' as it happens my folks moved to the tiny village where his family come from...

We wait a little while... not long, it's cold and most of our beer is back in the house and he doesn't appear... Mile long walk in the cold and in for more beer!

an hour or so later, door bell rings... Bop is at the door covered in mud!!

Bops story 'on the way home, the ditch jumped up to get me, but I threw a few digs and got away!'

I fucked him in the shower fully clothed and gave him a pair of shorts to wear

Dopey bastard

DROC

[Rob Hannis]

I fucked him in the shower fully clothed and gave him a pair of shorts to wear

the truth finally comes out, as does droc.

[Chris Kerr]

Ram a broomstick up your ass
Jump your ass in the lake
Get the hell away from around here
Leave the premesis before I put you in jail
You are a dirty low-down scumbag
You are a jerk to me
You are drug seller
You are a crackhead as I speak
You are a miserable creep
Here's what you do for me...stick your ghetto dope up your ass!
You are a homosexual to the max
You are a professional cock sucker in the mix
You are a child molester
You love sucking little boys' dicks
You are a professional cock sucker in hell
You are a professional cock sucker to Satan
You are a boot-licker to Satan
You love sucking little boys' asses and dicks
Why don't you stop being a homosexual
Stop molesting little boys you freak!
You are no good
You are a fucking asshole
You are a real jerk
You are a miserable creep
You are full of shit
You are a no-good rotten bum
You are a good-for-nothing scalawag
You are full of dog shit
You are a stupid mother fucker
You are a low down schmuck
So suck a camel's ass, you mother fucker
Lick a camel's ass
Lick a moose's dick
Suck my doggy's cock
Suck a honey badger's ass
Suck a racehorse's bootyhole
Suck a snow leopard's ass
Suck my doberman pincher's cock
Suck a llama's balls
Suck a jackass's dick
Suck a buffalo's ass, fucking jerk
I'm going to crack your head with my karate stick
I'm going to crack your skull and put you in the hospital
Stop raping women for crying out loud!!
Suck a polar bear's funky ass
Suck a racehorse's cock with Heinz Tomato Ketchup
Suck a donkey's shitty ass
Suck a male camel's dick with Hoisin sauce
Suck a European bison's smelly ass
Suck a woolly mammoth's dick with Miracle Whip
Suck a snow leopard's ass with whip cream
Suck a hyena's spermy dick
Suck a llama's shitty asshole
Suck a panda bear's smelly nutsack
Suck a sloth bear's bootyhole
Suck a greyhound's musty ass
Suck a hyena's ass
Suck a racehorse's dick
Suck a cheetah's ass
Lick a horse's asshole
Suck a snow leopard's ass
Suck a mountain goat's dick
Suck a caribou's asshole out
Eat that antelope shit and die
Suck a baboon's ass
Suck a male camel's dick
Suck a Doberman pincer's cock
Suck a reindeer's smelly ass, mothafucka!
Do something about your long filthy hair, it looks like a rat's nest
Go tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole
I'm gonna beat the ugly out of you
You look like my probabtion officer
You're going to be introduced to your grave
You're going to be deprived of your life
I'm going to destroy you from this earth
Make a fat man happy...go jump in a lake!
Keep on talking shit to me and I WILL bust you in your chops, and plus I'm going to knock your block off
Suck my damn dick, asshole
Fuck your crummy ass, jerk
Get your paws off me
Take your bullshit somewhere else
Jump into your hot rod and hit the road, asshole!


That should be enough for now?

[Chris Kerr]

Your mother is so FAT those aren't flies buzzing round her, they are SATELLITES orbiting!

[Wiegieboard]

I was watching this film and there two italianamerican guys dressed in smart suits but not mobsters were out in the town, 2 assmonkeys jumped out and started insulting them, one of the assmonkeys had a bat. The Italian man shouted "I'm gonna take that bat and ram it up your ass!" Then he kicked the assmonkeys ass joe peschi style!!

[Wiegieboard]

no pictures please mr jenkins.

[Sledge]

TTT for old insulting threads

[Jak-TapouT-]

I was watching this film and there two italianamerican guys dressed in smart suits but not mobsters were out in the town, 2 assmonkeys jumped out and started insulting them, one of the assmonkeys had a bat. The Italian man shouted "I'm gonna take that bat and ram it up your ass!" Then he kicked the assmonkeys ass joe peschi style!!

The Warriors kicks the shit outta that.

Baseball Furies gang member is like swinging his bat, and Ajax goes "Im gonna shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle"


EPIC

[Nimmy]

The Warriors kicks the shit outta that.

Baseball Furies gang member is like swinging his bat, and Ajax goes "Im gonna shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle"


EPIC

i love that film.... the chicks are loaded!

[mickclark]

Used this once before, had no success obviously;

You need two girls for this to work, one who is plump/fat and one that you want to fuck.

Go up to the fat girl and say:

"Excuse me, would you like to dance?" from this you hopefully get the following response,

"Why yes, that would be good"

To which you reply;

"Well fuck off then so I can chat to your mate fatty"

Bit hit and miss, I have actually seen this result in both people being slapped and people ending up going home with fit bird in the equation.

[FatYankeeGit]

Your mum's so old she owes Jesus 3 quid.

Your mum's so fat she has a belly full of whale blubber.

Your mum's so fat I don't think she'll be able to fit into the pair of pyjamas I bought her for Christmas.

Your mum stinks of shit.

Your mum stinks of poo.

Your mum stinks of manure.

Your teeth are so yellow......................... Maybe you should brush your fucking teeth.

[oldwolf]

I refuse to have a dual of wits with an unarmed opponent

[Wiegieboard]

Your clunge smells like banny fatter.