Bet a mate i could ko a cow with one punch , threw an almight right hand at it ,....hit the deck myself mooing like a fckn coo , id broke my hand in three places .
Took my dog into school for back up , classroom ended up in carnage an i got kicked out of school...
Got in an argument in a club with a guy who was with a team of bodies , followed him into the bog and slammed a RNC on him whilst he was pishing .....got chased for a couple of miles way his mates but i had a head start by the time they found him lying in his own piss so got away lol....
just a few that spring to mind......
Found out a fucking classic one that my best mate Al did when he was 10
It was bonfire night and he'd made a guy to burn, but then found out his mum wouldn't let him go to the bonfire with his mates, which upset him to the point he threatened to kill himself; and stormed upstairs.
Once there, he dressed the Guy in the clothes he'd been wearing and threw it from his window. Downstairs, his mum just saw this body fall to the ground.
She ran outside, screaming; only to find it was, indeed, the Guy he'd made.
She fucking battered him
As a kid didn't really do anything that terrible. The usual nicking, smoking, drinking and drugs etc.
I did go through a stage of spiking food with weird stuff to try to get my mam to take it back to tesco and kick off. It all started when I was sat at the table one night doing my home work and straightened out a staple and poked it into an apple. Then totally forgot about it till about a week later when my mam bit into the apple and nearly peirced her cheek. She went into Tesco and went totally fucking mental. Got loads of free shit from them. This then set a trend of nails in the coffee jar and paper clips in the milk etc. She still doesn't know to this day but is actually sat opposite me as I type this and is wondering why I have a stupid grin on my face.
One of the worst things I did as a young adult was as follows.
I went to the Eminem concert at the London Docklands Arena on his first UK tour and on the way picked up a bag of pills and a case of stellas. Stood in the queue for hours as I wanted to be near the front. By the time the doors were about to open I had drank about 8 cans and done 2 e's. I was off my tits. There was about 6000 people waiting to get in and the faggot protesters came walking down the road waving their placards and shouting "Eminem hates gays" with a loud hailer. I had just finished a can of beer so crushed up the can and threw the can at the faggots. Everyone else in the queue saw me do this and follwed suit and next thing 6000 people were pelting the protesters with rubbish.
I, then feeling left out of the mele I had started, only had a full can of stella in my hand so I launched the can at the faggots about 30 meteres away and hit the lead faggot with the load hailer square in the face and knocked him clean the fuck out. (as the can left my hand I knew it would hit him. It was the best shot I've ever made in my life)
I then hid in among the crowd and saw the police arresting the faggot for inciting a riot.
Gymnastics in P.E.... we thought of a better idea for the crash mat.
The wrestling ones are awesome!
Playing army with my mate when I was about 10 years old,i'd captured him n tied him to our car porch so he couldnt move.......then I remembered i'd got caught short the previous day n had to take a shit round the back of the garage. found a stick n thought it would be funny to stick the shit on the end of the stick and put it in my mates face.......he was screaming n crying as a waved it in front of him,at which point my dad pulled into the drive behind me and as I turned accidentally stuck the shit full on in his face!!!!! got abit ov a hiding for that one
We lived at the back of the fair, so we used to climb over the fences then walk round sabotaging the rides - Like putting bricks on the rollercaster tracks.
Went round the local town with a pump action airgun, taking potshots at anything and anyone. The lad i was with fired at a bus driver whose window was open. It hit him clean in the face and he wrestled to keep a bus full of passengers on the road.
Ran across motorways
Went to a school with marshes and dykes nearby. Used to capture frogs,. take them into school then blow them up with straws.
Not proud, but it all seemed like good fun at the time
Hit a girl in the head with half a brick when i was 9 cos she was pulling my hair
Pushed the school bully through a window in year 11 which caused him to cut his wrist wide open
I used to fucking hate leeks when i was younger. I mean REALLY hate them. So i took them off my plate and hid them behind the television, 2 days later i went to my mum and dad crying my eyes out confessing about the terrible crime.
Threw a stone at a lad i didnt like meaning to scare him, aimed deliberately to the left but somehow ended up hitting him square in the head and splitting it open
Got coked up in magaluf and robbed someones room taking his passport, 700 quid armani watch, money and every pair of shoes i could find because he threatened me with a knife on my first night. Seein him leave the next day shoeless and passportless was hilarious.
Hit my big sister in the face with a golf club when I was about 10. She's still got a wee lump to this day.