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Thread: Whoa. Savage 'last day at work' email to colleagues

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  1. #1
    settings/edit profile Jimmy Boogaloo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    London Town

    Default Whoa. Savage 'last day at work' email to colleagues

    Apparently sent around JP Morgan....

    Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

    As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I
    wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct
    pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

    For nearly as long as I?ve worked here, I?ve hoped that I might one day
    leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please
    know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of
    support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you
    did not express.

    I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present
    but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where
    miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired
    me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and
    intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake -
    it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

    Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask
    for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to
    work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of
    seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily
    tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

    Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace
    knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets
    expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after
    a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation
    scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

    And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other
    within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the
    street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

    But to those few souls with whom I?ve actually interacted, here are my
    personalized notes of farewell:

    To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing
    while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe
    Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the
    strength to apologize to him.

    To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats
    you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any
    manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take
    credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

    To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart.
    Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking
    about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

    To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone.
    You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too
    much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions,
    I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson

    Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same
    manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on
    the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you
    fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly
    vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the
    suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted
    history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

    To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite
    working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior,
    racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by
    working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where
    hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our
    positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for
    you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the
    effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many
    great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still
    loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing
    excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help
    battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

    So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary
    recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will
    soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because
    a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

    Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill

    To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your
    co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother
    responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with
    the windows down listening to Biggie.
    'Go read a fucking book, you piece of shit.'

  2. #2
    Puts wet cotton wool
    balls inside her nostrels
    ReaperBabe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Currently away from the forum


    Genious! and way I would have stayed 6 years in a place like that

  3. #3


    good on him, I'm sure those are sentiments that echo through almost every low level office worker in the world.

    An ounce less morality and he may have said fairwell with a shotgun.

    stocking; Wand, Evolution Fightwear, Caged Steel, Warrior Wear,Nogi, Manto, Sprawl, Xyience, Cryogel, Vangaard, Serious Pimp and more...

  4. #4


    This has urban myth written all over it

  5. #5


    that is uncannily like the email that i have prepared and saved in my drafts folder waiting for the day when i can send it to this shower of cunts that i work for.

  6. #6


    Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

    That is sheer class.

  7. #7


    I tell no lie.

    Mine is even more vicious than this and it has been sitting in my personal folder.

    I have one in response to my voluntary leaving, and one also incase of my sacking.

    I believe this may well be a genuine email Kainer.

    I'm sure when mine are revealed they will circulate somewhere.
    Each new hour holds a new beginning, a new horizon; offering us space to place new steps to change

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