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Thread: some F***** funny excuses!

  1. #1

    Default some F***** funny excuses!

    155 Excuses - and counting...
    Ever needed a good excuse but couldn't think of one? Try one of these.
    I'd love to, but...
    1. I have to floss my cat.
    2. I've dedicated my life to linguini.
    3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
    4. The President said he might drop in.
    5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
    6. I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
    7. I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
    8. It's my parakeet's bowling night.
    9. It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
    10. I'm building a pig from a kit.
    11. I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
    12. I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
    13. There's a disturbance in the Force.
    14. I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
    15. I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
    16. I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
    17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
    18. I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
    19. I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
    20. My crayons all melted together.
    21. I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
    22. I'm in training to be a household pest.
    23. I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
    24. My patent is pending.
    25. I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
    26. I'm sandblasting my oven.
    27. I'm worried about my vertical hold.
    28. I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
    29. I'm being deported.
    30. The grunion are running.
    31. I'll be looking for a parking space.
    32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
    33. The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
    34. I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
    35. I have to fluff my shower cap.
    36. I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
    37. I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
    38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
    39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
    40. I have to fulfill my potential.
    41. I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
    42. It's too close to the turn of the century.
    43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
    44. My subconscious says no.
    45. I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
    46. I left my body in my other clothes.
    47. The last time I went, I never came back.
    48. I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
    49. I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
    50. None of my socks match.
    51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
    52. I'm having all my plants neutered.
    53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
    54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
    55. I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
    56. I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
    57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
    58. I'm touring China with a wok band.
    59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
    60. I never go out on days that end in "Y".
    61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
    62. I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
    63. I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
    64. I'm too old/young for that stuff.
    65. I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
    66. I have too much guilt.
    67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
    68. I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
    69. I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
    70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
    71. I feel a song coming on.
    72. I'm trying to be less popular.
    73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
    74. I have to bleach my hare.
    75. I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
    76. I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
    77. You know how we psychos are.
    78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
    79. I have to study for a blood test.
    80. I'm going to be old someday.
    81. I've been traded to Cincinnati.
    82. I'm observing National Apathy Week.
    83. I have to rotate my crops.
    84. My uncle escaped again.
    85. I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
    86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
    87. I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
    88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
    89. I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
    90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
    91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
    92. I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
    93. I have to jog my memory.
    94. My palm reader advised against it.
    95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
    96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
    97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
    98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
    99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
    100. I'm trying to cut down.
    101. I need to eat some food for thought.
    102. I've already used up eight of my nine lives.
    103. The jury is still out.
    104. I'm going to catalog my cutlery collection.
    105. My cat has a yeast infection.
    106. It's against my religion.
    107. The voices say that if I go to work/school, then I will have to sacrifice an animal/small child/virgin.
    108. I ran out of Prozac and I just can't go on.
    109. I'm sorry, I'll be abducted by a flying saucer at 9.
    110. I have to finish making my ear wax sculpture.
    111. I'm right in the middle of knitting my bellybutton lint into a cardigan for my elephant.
    112. I have to follow the directions on my orange juice container (concentrate).
    113. My computer needs tuning.
    114. I'm painting my toenails.
    115. I have a date in Transylvania.
    116. I need to clean my carpet with a toothbrush.
    117. The lawn's turned into a jungle.
    118. I'm pruning my fishing lures.
    119. I accidently took some ex-lax with my prozac this morning. I've been sitting on the can all day, but I feel great.
    120. I'm passing a stone.
    121. I have to deguass my monitor.
    122. I have to deworm my kitten.
    123. I lost my contact - I can't see.
    124. I got snowed in.
    125. I'm sorry I can't, I'm busy reading excuses.
    126. Some big kids made me do it.
    127. I'm still looking for my other arm.
    128. When an egg dish flops - those hens must have had a rough night.
    129. My hair hurts.
    130. I can't come in, that bright ball in the sky is blinding me.
    131. I've got a highway pizza in the oven and I have to watch that it doesn't burn.
    132. I'm expecting a subpoena from Ken Starr.
    133. Ed McMahon and Dick Clark wrote "It's Official..." so, I'm waiting.
    134. I've been arrested for heckling at the Ballet.
    135. I'm busy taking all the sponges out of the ocean to see how much deeper it gets.
    136. I'm steamcleaning my WonderBra.
    137. That's the night I stimulate my gums.
    138. My psychic advised me otherwise.
    139. The Earth's about to get destroyed, I've got to find a ride off.
    140. I have to re-chain my bicycle.
    141. sorry...I'm sacrificing you to my evil Gods of death and havoc that night.
    142. I'm sorry, I built a circular drive-way and now I can't get out.
    143. but I don't wanna.
    144. No hablo Ingles (I do not speak english).
    145. I was doing yoga exercises and got stuck.
    146. I'd be happy to after I bungee jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge without the bungee cord.
    147. The voices said evil things might happen 'cause your're bad.
    148. I'm donating a kidney later.
    149. I've been sitting in this chair and my butt has fallen asleep.
    150. I have a wedding to plan, a wife to murder and a kingdom to blame for it - I am swamped.
    151. my dog needs to have a flea bath.
    152. I just had a frontal labotomy.
    153. I've got silver hair, gold teeth and a lead butt, I'm filthy rich!
    154. I have to take the cat to the dry cleaners.
    155. ... well, maybe.
    Each new hour holds a new beginning, a new horizon; offering us space to place new steps to change

  2. #2

    Default

    ttt.............
    Each new hour holds a new beginning, a new horizon; offering us space to place new steps to change

  3. #3

    Default

    number 39 all the way

  4. #4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by slybone View Post
    number 39 all the way

    yes but what does i had to floss my cat mean? you mean clean its teeth?

  5. #5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ginandtonic View Post
    yes but what does i had to floss my cat mean? you mean clean its teeth?
    no idea... trying to floss either of my cats would probably end up in tears

  6. #6

    Default

    can i floss your cat G&T?
    Each new hour holds a new beginning, a new horizon; offering us space to place new steps to change

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nomad View Post
    can i floss your cat G&T?

    if ihad one, id gladly let you demo

  8. #8
    Senior Member Luke's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ginandtonic View Post
    yes but what does i had to floss my cat mean? you mean clean its teeth?
    No. Floss. Like you'd clean a cat's teeth now n then but never floss them!! But maybe, if you needed an excuse say...to not train, you could say that you're flossing your cats teeth.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Luke's Avatar
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    Default

    Will/Ginntonic..get a room! lol.

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Luke View Post
    Will/Ginntonic..get a room! lol.
    only if its got a whirlpool and back massager chair

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