Drunken insult thread

[Maccavelli]

So whats your best ones. as this is for commedy only i believe that sexism, homophobia etc should not only be allowed but should be encouraged.

Show us what you got.

"Your mother owes my dog fuck money"

"Fuck you ya fucking fuck"

[Godders]

What about drunken chat up lines

"The more of these i drink, the less repulsive you look"
"Your very good looking.. well considering the car crash and stuff"
"Tell you what.. im in a giving mood, you me, your mates right now for some loving. Im waiting for my taxi though.. so lets make it all about me"

[marvli]

.

[Ross]

"you smell like plump ass you bitch ass mother fucking frenchman"

[Maccavelli]

"Lick my scroat ass felcher"

"shut that bitch up before i fuck start her head"
Way of the gun-cool film

Any line from full metal jacket

[Wiegieboard]

"Yur Maws Got Claws an she's clawin it mah bawz"
"Ah Hud Yer Maw"
Throwing a 2p penny at the person you're insulting" Give this to your momma"
Sniffing the air "sniff sniff......do I smell Fish? ....oh no it's just your crusty fanny you stenchy cow"
"No wonder you're so fucking ugly because your brother's your dad"
" At night I buttfuck your mum up the ass and then I make her clean my dick with her tongue before she kisses you goodnight"
Scowling" suck my dick" pointing at your crotch.
Find a girl you don't like and slap her ass real hard then when she turns round say "Oh damn I missed, I thought it was your face"

[Hywel Teague]

full metal jacket lines rock

"i will gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you" being one of my favourites, along with "did your parents have any children that lived?"

a line i'm quite fond of is "go fuck yourself". for added insultage, try "why don't you go and play hide and go fuck yourself..."

although if i'm on one i and i'm in a rage i just shout out as many insults as i can in one long chain ie:

"motherfucker fucking bastard cunt cock fuck shit arse bastard fucking CUNT!!!"

works for me...

[droc]

Wales answer to Rab C Nesbitt

Insults always seem funnier and more offensive when you're drunk... the best, in an ironic way

'You drunken fucker'
'You fucking Dipso'

One I pulled out after about 10 pints and an innumerable amount of Triple Vodkas with Red Bull

'Suck my fucking Hairy Balls you turd eating piece of crap'

Lucky it didn't turn violent because I cracked myself up so bad I couldn't stop laughing

[droc]

I didn't read all that, you write too much/I'm lazy/ a combination of the two

But drunk out in the sticks stories are great!!

New Years eve... about 4 years ago I guess, Garristown '5 miles from anything resembling civilisation'

We get a lift the mile up to the village and go to one of the 2 pubs, there's 2 pubs a shop a police station that's always empty and a butchers... that's the village.

The night goes as normal... people get really pissed...

Being that the village is miles from everything closing time is when the police sergeant leaves the bar... seriously

So midnight has passed and the drinks are still flowing, 1 o clock no change... after a while most of us decide to leave (pints in hand), my mate Wayne says 'I'll follow you in a minute' as it happens my folks moved to the tiny village where his family come from...

We wait a little while... not long, it's cold and most of our beer is back in the house and he doesn't appear... Mile long walk in the cold and in for more beer!

an hour or so later, door bell rings... Bop is at the door covered in mud!!

Bops story 'on the way home, the ditch jumped up to get me, but I threw a few digs and got away!'

I fucked him in the shower fully clothed and gave him a pair of shorts to wear

Dopey bastard

DROC

[Rob Hannis]

I fucked him in the shower fully clothed and gave him a pair of shorts to wear

the truth finally comes out, as does droc.