I don't do depression or talk about my feelings, I've been through some shitty times and some really hard times over the years, but this week has been the worst in a long time.
Monday, I got a new attack of Kidney stones (there's a thread about it in here somewhere) and ended up lying on a hospital bed in excruciating pain.
Tuesday was my birthday (there's a couple of happy B'day threads on here, thanks guys). My brother was over in Paris for a few days and leaving Wednesday. We were meant to meet up Tuesday night for drinks, when I told him I wasn't drinking cuz of the kidney stones and the medication he decided that he'd rather go get pissed than come meet me for dinner or some other activity. For anyone who has met my brother, it's not that one, it's my younger brother who's a selfish bastard and a far worse alcoholic than I am.
The whole week I worked an average of 10 hours a day, doing up to 14 hours on Thursday, and slept about 3-4 hours a night. We had a deadline and for various reasons, I was running late and had to make up the time. When I have a lot to think about the insomnia kicks in.
Friday night, before I leave work the missus called me. She told me, matter-of-factly, that Sunday she was going to her parents house with the kids. I'm not invited because I'm not the right religion. I knew this day would come, and I figured fuck it, I don't care.
Come Sunday, when I was left in the house on my own twiddling my thumbs, I realised that I do care. That it fucking hurts.
I don't have any family in this country, and most of my friends are drinking buddies. We rarely see each other out of the pub.
So I went to see some friends, and I went on a 16 hour solid drinking binge and didn't answer the phone to anyone all night Sunday and all day yesterday.
I'm feeling pretty shit right now, I'm tired, I feel like I've been rejected and hurt by the people closest to me and I don't know where to turn.