I was sitting down stairs watching match of the day 2 on the telly when i heard her shuffling around outside the room, I thought she'd probably nipped down for a glass of water, when all of a sudden she burst in the room and sprayed de-icer in my face.
I said "What the fuck are you doing you mad cow!"
She said "You were watching porn you dirty bastard!"
I cried oot " Was I fuck, i was watching the footy!"
"Were you really?" She asked, "Well why have you got a hard on then?!"
I said " because we've just beaten Portsmouth 3-0!"
She was drunk and on her rags if that's any sort of excuse.