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Thread: me and my mates assaulted an MMA gym last night

  1. #1

    Default me and my mates assaulted an MMA gym last night

    So i wanted to see for myself just how hard cage fighters are so me and a couple of my mates decided to travel to a gym and take em on.

    My mate Benno is a Taekwondo red belt and is quick as lightining in combat. He is not very big at 10 stone but he can kick a man in the face and bring his foot back to the ground before anyone has even seen it happen. My mate Stevie G has not had any fighting training but he has won many a tournement at the games workshop playting warhammer 40000 at a very high national level. As such he is an excelent tactician in the arts of warfare.

    So with my bodybuilding, Benno's taekwondo and stevie g's warhammer skills our fight team had a mixture of strength, speed and tactics. We were ready to annhialate any opposition.

    So we turned up at the gym and it looked shit. Dead dingy and they didn't even have any decent weights or anything. I was in trackie bottoms and bodybuilding vest, benno was in his taekwondo suit and stevie G was just wearing jeans and a jumper.

    The people were pretty polite and said we could do the first lesson free to see what we thought. Wasn't gonna pay em anyway lol. Pussies. I got into the matted area and was giving people dead eyes. My muscles were on show and everyone was clearly intimidated by my strength and size and benno's taekwondo attire. They knew trouble had come.

    I walked onto the mats and purposely didn't take my trainers off. The instructor was like "excuse me mate (he was scared) there's no trainers on the mats". I just lookd at him dead menacingly and said "can't hear you mate". He repeated what he said and said "no trainers on the mats mate". So I said "can't hear you mate" again and stared at him. Everyone in the gym felt uneasy. Every time he said something I kept saying "can't hear you mate, can't hear you mate" and my mates were laughing at him.

    He got angry and tried to push me off the mats so I headbutted him clean in the face. The whole gym jumped in and grabbed me. Cowards, didn't even realise it was 1v1. So my mate benno did a flying kick on some young lad's head and floored him while he wasn't looking. Stevie G made a tactical withdrawal out the fire exit.

    Me and benno were held in a choke hold and dragged out the fire exit and thrown down some metal stairs. So we scooted round the car park and got loads of bricks and pelted the gym with bricks. We smashed the windows and they came running out. This girl got hit in the face with a brick and floored and so they all ran to her aid. This was our plan cos then we pelted em all with bricks as they were tending to the downed female. We then legged it and drove home. Not cos we were scared of them but cos the police were sure to show up at any minute like.

    So all in all I wans't impressed with MMA one bit. I won against a whole gym full of fighters.
    Last edited by Stubbsy; 11-09-2009 at 02:12 PM.

  2. #2
    Prince of Bel-Air Leesin's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Harlow, Essex


    I fuckin lol'd, funniest thread of the week alongside the street fight report.

  3. #3


    losing the subtlety now
    "The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war"

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by Leesin View Post
    I fuckin lol'd, funniest thread of the week alongside the street fight report.

    If you need a friend, get a dog !

  5. #5
    Not taught by Wizards
    Join Date
    May 2007


    im gonna come back to this in 5, I know its going to be epic, so making a coffee and sandwich

  6. #6


    That is the funiest read in weeks, I'm still chuckling away at my desk

    I can't believe I wanted you banned

    Doesn't have a signature anymore

  7. #7
    Senior Member IceKid's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    West London


    awesome...this could be a movie script
    "My whole life is an epic journey man, I mean who else do you know that listens to Enya whilst taking a dump?"

  8. #8


    Superb, absolutely superb.
    Dan Hardy talks Swick, GSP and Daley and trains with new thai coach at Libery gym in Nottingham HERE

  9. #9


    now was this done with or without stezzers, as thats the key for me...

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    did you suck up a creamy bucket to celebrate?

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