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Thread: Ask Frakes

  1. #511
    Valiant Moderat JonathanFrakes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 187 crew View Post
    FRAKES I HAVE A QUESTION FOR Y'ALL, NIGGA.

    WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DOUCHE??

    187 CREW ON the BLOCK
    Let me answer your two points in turn.

    1. I'm white.

    2. Douche is French for Soak. I guess I'm such a soak because I pour out valiant and august manlyness, covering all who stand nearby.

    I'm glad to see that you are hip, happening and home with the downies.

    Or something like that.
    I am number 1, because Picard says so.

    Ask Frakes!

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  2. #512

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    Sir Frakes,

    Could you enlighten me as to why I cannot contribute to this forum by starting my own threads? Do I have to pass an initiation?

    Regards,

    Sooty

  3. #513
    Valiant Moderat JonathanFrakes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sooty View Post
    Sir Frakes,

    Could you enlighten me as to why I cannot contribute to this forum by starting my own threads? Do I have to pass an initiation?

    Regards,

    Sooty
    Hello my silent bear-like glove puppet friend.

    Many things on this forum are closed to you until you make your first post. For example. You cannot have an avatar until you have posted. Then you may show your manly and august gait to all.

    The thread starting thing may also be such a facility.

    Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you chose my thread to make your first post as both words end in T.

    This is valiant, august and triumphant.
    I am number 1, because Picard says so.

    Ask Frakes!

    Do you know a Fridgeless Fail? Send them HERE!

  4. #514

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    Medical question for Commander Frakes:

    I have a chum who broke his ankle a few years ago. Now, even though his ankle has healed, he feels a stinging pain each year as the winter weather arrives. Can you prescribe a remedy for this fellow? He is a fairly young man and is already considering using a cane! How can he best alleviate this pain born of chill and cold?

    Thanks in advance, I'm sure he will follow your expert advice. Consult with Drs Crusher and/or Pulaski as needed, but please deliver the diagnosis yourself. He trusts you above all.

  5. #515
    Valiant Moderat JonathanFrakes's Avatar
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    For pain relief, I recommend Askit normally. For something this severe it may be different.

    Perhaps his joint has calcified as a result of the break, his physicians should treat this. It is manly to treat.

    Unfortunately if the joint has not set properly there may be complications in later life. However, I'm sure if it is caught early enough there is a procedure to fix it.

    The doctors you mention are female and as such can't communicate effectively with Frakes as they would merely throw themselves upon my manly form as soon as I approached them. However, that is the best medical advice I can offer.

    Does his regular doctor have a beard?
    I am number 1, because Picard says so.

    Ask Frakes!

    Do you know a Fridgeless Fail? Send them HERE!

  6. #516

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    My friend reports that his doctor is a matronly woman. She is mannish but alas not manly.

    As a remedy for the pain, my chum now wears a heavy boot everywhere he goes, as it somehow lessens the ache. Sadly, he now fears he may have arthritis. But at least his beard is august and rampant, so all hope is not lost.

    Personally, I believe the sweet sauce of a lady's honeypot is the cure that is needed. It has been some time since he's been treated to such. He has a brilliant beard, but still the ladies do not come. What does one do when a beard is not enough???

  7. #517

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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondBeard View Post
    What does one do when a beard is not enough???
    Good question.

  8. #518
    Valiant Moderat JonathanFrakes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondBeard View Post
    My friend reports that his doctor is a matronly woman. She is mannish but alas not manly.

    As a remedy for the pain, my chum now wears a heavy boot everywhere he goes, as it somehow lessens the ache. Sadly, he now fears he may have arthritis. But at least his beard is august and rampant, so all hope is not lost.

    Personally, I believe the sweet sauce of a lady's honeypot is the cure that is needed. It has been some time since he's been treated to such. He has a brilliant beard, but still the ladies do not come. What does one do when a beard is not enough???
    You mean such a time exists? A Beard can only achieve it's true valiant status when allied with an august attitude.

    Perhaps he approaches them in the wrong fashion. A man with a manly beard approaching and being nice and fawny is not the way to a lady's heart. This will only confuse her. How could a man appear so puissant and sport a manly thicket and yet not be truly triumphant.

    Instead let him limit his chat to one line. "Fire."

    This will cause the ladygarden to flood and it shall yearn for the insertion of a manly snoot.
    I am number 1, because Picard says so.

    Ask Frakes!

    Do you know a Fridgeless Fail? Send them HERE!

  9. #519

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    Thank you great Frakes. Your wisdom (as always) is vast, adroit and extremely puissant.

    I will coach my friend on his demeanor until at last he injects his manly snoot into the warm, welcoming pleasure-mound of a fertile hottie with tight karate.

  10. #520

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    Mr. Frakes, I have 3 questions, each requiring a robust answer.

    1. If Picard has no hair, does not wear a beard and has no T's in his name, why is he held in such high regard?

    2. If Miles O'Brien grew a beard, and it was thus combined with his Luck o' the Irish, would he become the most powerful personality on the Enterprise?

    3. While you're directing on the set (e.g., of such blockbusters as Clockstoppers, Thunderbirds and that one episode of the Twilight Zone that you did about 7 years ago), who gets coffee for The Beard? There can be no honor in acquisition of coffee oneself.

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