Ask Frakes

[Femme-ma]

Amazing, he is even sporting a Frakes-esque haircut!

I particularly like the positioning of his right hand depressing the kilt and preventing his second beard from being displayed.

A fine combination of beard, haircut and valiant pose.

Tell me, when this picture was taken did the photographer get him to say "Fire"?

I do beleive he did raise the hand cupping his manly and bearded sporran to point and say "Fire".

He is indeed a manly man and in fact, the best Frakes substitute that I could find when it became evident that I was lightyears away from your league.

[stubbsysmum]

You are getting on a bit now. Is little Jonny still in operative order? Can he still maintain a "manly" and "valiant stance" ?

[JonathanFrakes]

I do beleive he did raise the hand cupping his manly and bearded sporran to point and say "Fire".

He is indeed a manly man and in fact, the best Frakes substitute that I could find when it became evident that I was lightyears away from your league.

That is a touching and heart warming story of manly and valiant justice.

I am sure that you will find him to be as puissant as he is august.

Although, for your own pleasure, here is a signed photo.

[JonathanFrakes]

You are getting on a bit now. Is little Jonny still in operative order? Can he still maintain a "manly" and "valiant stance" ?

The Frakeson torpedo is still potent and puissant and always responds to the timely command of "Fire".

[Jak-TapouT-]

Frakes, what is the most manly swear word? I need this advice in order to establish my dominance over inferior and lesser men than i, and encourage them to bask in the glory of beardedness.

[JonathanFrakes]

Frakes, what is the most manly swear word? I need this advice in order to establish my dominance over inferior and lesser men than i, and encourage them to bask in the glory of beardedness.

Select ones that end in T. Cunt is generally the most offensive.

Manly men don't need to swear though, you should use sword fighter insults from Monkey Island such as "You fight like a dairy farmer!"

[Sledge]

Frakes,

I am in need of your assistance once again. I have a dilema.

Upon arriving at work this morning with my newly grown stubble. (I have not shaved since I saw your manly beard) I discovered that I have really smelly farts. Now I consider the fart to be a sign on manlyness. The louder and smellier means the more manley you are. However as previously discussed I work in an office with several women. Women generally don't like smelly and loud and valiant manly farts.

So I ask you, with my newly grown stubble (Jr manly beard) am I in a position to drop my guts in the office and deflect the wrath of my co workers by rubbing my chin? Or do I need to have several more days growth till I can be flatulent in front of ladies without fear of reprisial?

Awaiting your advice with baited breath valliantly.

[JonathanFrakes]

Frakes,

I am in need of your assistance once again. I have a dilema.

Upon arriving at work this morning with my newly grown stubble. (I have not shaved since I saw your manly beard) I discovered that I have really smelly farts. Now I consider the fart to be a sign on manlyness. The louder and smellier means the more manley you are. However as previously discussed I work in an office with several women. Women generally don't like smelly and loud and valiant manly farts.

So I ask you, with my newly grown stubble (Jr manly beard) am I in a position to drop my guts in the office and deflect the wrath of my co workers by rubbing my chin? Or do I need to have several more days growth till I can be flatulent in front of ladies without fear of reprisial?

Awaiting your advice with baited breath valliantly.

There is a simple, valiant and puissant solution to your problem.

Before you do the fart you must walk to the middle of the office, ensuring that you have everyone's attention. Enter your valiant stance and say proudly and steadily, "Vent the warp plasma." This will increase your manlyness tenfold.

If you believe that the fart is such that the brown torpedo will be deployed in the follow through, change the line to "Fire."

Problem solved, manlyness intact.

[Sledge]

There is a simple, valiant and puissant solution to your problem.

Before you do the fart you must walk to the middle of the office, ensuring that you have everyone's attention. Enter your valiant stance and say proudly and steadily, "Vent the warp plasma." This will increase your manlyness tenfold.

If you believe that the fart is such that the brown torpedo will be deployed in the follow through, change the line to "Fire."

Problem solved, manlyness intact.

You are awesome. I am forwever in your debt.

[JonathanFrakes]

You are awesome. I am forwever in your debt.

Personally, when I fart I tend to make it seem more comical by producing a more musical fart noise on my trombone.