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  1. #11


    I went to get on the bus this morning and the Paki bus driver said "I'm jampacked full" I said "I couldn't give a fuck what your name is, I just want to get on!"

  2. #12



    A man is driving his five year old son to a friends house when another car cuts in front and speeds off almost causing a serious accident.

    "Douche bag", yells the father.

    A minute later he realises his indescretion and pulls over and turns to face his son.

    "Your daddy just said a bad word" he says, "I was angry at that driver but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong but saying that does not make things right. I dont ever want to hear you saying that, Is that clear?"

    His son looks at him and says "Too late douche bag"

  3. #13
    ooooo had to hurt Wiegieboard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    The Holy Land (Neilston)


    What's white, red and screams like a bitch?

    A peeled baby in a bag of salt (OOOOOoooohhh)
    No longer playing World of Warcraft. Goodbye fond memories

  4. #14


    2 muslims in a vauxhall zafira have driven off a cliff in Wales. Officers at the scene said its an appalling tragedy, as this car was capable of seating 7.

  5. #15
    Senior Member mzb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Zanmato View Post
    Here's one I read online once and thought was really funny... it's a bit (understatement) geeky though:

    Two atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly stops and says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron!"
    "Are you sure?"
    "I'm positive!"
    Geeky jokes eh.....

    Helium walks into a bar and orders a drink.
    The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases here."
    Helium doesn't react
    There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.

  6. #16


    haha love it

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks:
    “Hey, how much for a beer?”
    The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

    we better stop before wedgies are administered

  7. #17


    Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None. It's a hardware problem

  8. #18


    There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
    Those who know binary
    And those who don't

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode came up to me the other day and gave me some Brie, some Edam and a bit of Cheddar and told me not to share them with anyone. "Why not?", I asked. "Because," said Dave "they're your own personal cheeses".

    Why is constipation like maths? Sometimes you have to work it out with a pencil.

    What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre.

    Why does Snoop carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.

    Jonathan Ross has been arrested for stealing cutlery from a London branch of M&S. When interviewed by the arresting officer, Ross said "It was a whisk I was prepared to take".

    I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a small dog. It was a shihtzu.

    Ian Paisley is walking down the street in Belfast holding a bike over his head. He says: "i'm holding a raleigh"

    What do you get if you drop a grand piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor.

    Who is the coolest guy in the hospital? The ultra-sound guy

    Who is the coolest guy when he is away? The replacement hip guy

  10. #20


    Quote Originally Posted by Stu View Post
    Why does Snoop carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.


    I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a small dog. It was a shihtzu.

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