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  1. #21

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    whats paul mcartney and man city got in common


    both got excited over one leg

  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by THE MOSS View Post
    whats paul mcartney and man city got in common


    both got excited over one leg
    LOLZLOLZLOLZ!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAA

  3. #23
    Ever so slightly mental illegalhunter's Avatar
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    Sitting together on
    a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an
    English guy, a Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a
    young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

    The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds
    later there is the sound of a loud slap.

    When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English
    guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one
    speaks.


    The old lady thinks:

    The English guy must have groped
    the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.


    The blonde Swiss girl thinks:

    That English guy must have tried to grope me in the
    dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped
    his cheek.


    The English guy thinks:

    That Scottish
    bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark
    - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.


    And the Scottish guy thinks:

    I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack
    that English cu*t again.....
    They guy who invented Burpees , is a secret child molester

  4. #24
    Ever so slightly mental illegalhunter's Avatar
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    One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
    The demon asked, 'Why so glum?'
    The guy responded, 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'
    'Hell's not so bad,' the demon said. 'We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'
    'Sure,' the man said, 'I love to drink.'

    'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!'

    The guy is astounded. 'Damn, that sounds great..'

    'You a smoker?' the demon asked.

    'You better believe it!'

    'You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?'

    'Wow, the guy said, 'that's awesome!'

    The demon continued. 'I bet you like to gamble.'

    'Why yes, as a matter of fact I do'

    'Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?'

    The guy said, 'Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . .'

    'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!'

    'Wow,' the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, 'I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

    The demon said, 'You gay?'

    'No.'

    'Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!'
    Last edited by illegalhunter; 30-01-2010 at 09:51 PM.
    They guy who invented Burpees , is a secret child molester

  5. #25
    Ever so slightly mental illegalhunter's Avatar
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    Something to ponder!

    Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
    The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
    The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news - the donkey's died.'
    Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
    The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
    Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
    The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
    Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
    The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
    Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
    A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
    Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
    The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
    Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'


    Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland

    Hope you liked them
    They guy who invented Burpees , is a secret child molester

  6. #26

    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by illegalhunter View Post
    Sitting together on
    a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an
    English guy, a Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a
    young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

    The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds
    later there is the sound of a loud slap.

    When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English
    guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one
    speaks.


    The old lady thinks:

    The English guy must have groped
    the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.


    The blonde Swiss girl thinks:

    That English guy must have tried to grope me in the
    dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped
    his cheek.


    The English guy thinks:

    That Scottish
    bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark
    - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.


    And the Scottish guy thinks:

    I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack
    that English cu*t again.....
    Oh my good god I'm in stiches LMFAO!!! Hahahaha

  7. #27

    Default

    Wayne Bridge sent his missus a replica of his cock made from Cadburys chocolate.
    She said that she prefers Terrys
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #28

    Default

    Last night i got jumped by three guys in an alley.Luckily i managed to knock one out.....not the best time for a wank but it might have been my last.
    "My God is a squirrel called Norman,hes got arms like Popeye"
    Bullbreed rescue and rehoming.PM for more info.

  9. #29

    Default

    Blonde Sharon took her Goldfish back to Essex Fish Shop complaining it suffers from Epilepsy.
    The shop owner says "It looks calm enough to me"
    Sharon replies "You av'nt taken it out the bowl yet"
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  10. #30

    Default

    This is true whilst working away in Birmingham. We regulary used a Chinese takeaway and often chatted to the owner, one conversation when like this.......
    C - Ahhh herlow
    me - Herlow to you too
    C - Where har yu flum
    me - London
    C - Har my bluvver liv in London, maybe you know him ?
    me - Has he got eyes like you and thick glasses with his hair brushed
    straight back ( Benny Hill )
    C - Hahhhh you know my bluvvver ( he was over the moon )
    C - How you get here ?
    me - By car
    C- Whot car you glot ?
    me - I couldn't be bothered with the model, so just said " Ford car "
    C - You glot four cars ?????? I work velly hard and I glot only one car..

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