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  1. #501
    Senior Member Luke's Avatar
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    Epic thread!

    3 dwarves were feeling happy in a bathtub... then happy got out.

  2. #502

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    Andy Gray was telling me he bought his wife a Memory Stick.
    " It's great " Andy said, " She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating "
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #503

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    My dishwasher broke down, so I called a repairman.
    When he finally came round, I had to go out, so I told him, "Don't worry about my Bulldog, he won't bother you, but whatever you do, don't under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
    As he starts work, he was wary of the biggest, meanest looking Bulldog he's ever seen, but it just lays there watching him work. The parrot however, drives him nuts, yelling & cursing. Finally, the man snaps & yells, "Shut the fuck up, ya annoyin' bastard!"
    Parrot replies, "GET HIM SPIKE!!"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #504

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    Ernie and I were pilots on a plane. We were on our way to Toronto , when a Blonde Lady in econmy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.
    The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
    She then tells the Blonde that she only paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit back there.
    The blonde Replies, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
    The flight attendant comes into our Cockpit and tells Ernie & I the situation.
    Ernie gets out the Cockpit to see the Blonde to explain that she only paid for economy and will have to leave and return to her econmy seat.
    The Blonde said to Ernie "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
    Ernie tells me that we should get the Police waiting when we land to arrest this Blonde over this.
    I said to Ernie "You say shes a Blonde? Ernie I'll handle this. I speak Blonde."
    I went over to the Blonde and just whispered in her ear ...
    Ernie and the flight attendant were amazed as she got up and said "OH, I'M SORRY." and went and sat back in her seat in economy ...
    " What did you say to her Eric ? " Ernie asked
    "I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO " ... " WEY HEY "
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  5. #505

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    This Blonde wants to send a message to her mother overseas. The man in the Post Office tells her it will cost 」300.
    "I don't have 」300, but I'd do anything to get a message to my mother!"
    "Anything?" said the man.
    "Yes, anything." promised the blonde.
    "Then follow me..." said the man.
    "Now, get down on your knees, pull down my zip, & gently take out my cock."
    She reached in & gently held his cock. The man closed his eyes & said,
    "Well, go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to his cock. While holding it close to her lips, she whispered.....
    "Hello mom, can you hear me??"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #506

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    Bernard Manning was telling me when he was giving the wife anal, it makes a squeaky noise.
    Turns out its just her ring tone.
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #507

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    A bloke on a night time fishing session decides to start a conversation with the angler next to him.
    "Ow do mate. Here on holiday?"
    "Nah" he repies. "I'm on my honeymoon."
    "On your honeymoon!! So why the hell aren't you at home fucking the life out your missus?"
    "Can't do that." he replies. "She got every STD imaginable. Her minge is covered in suppurating sores and leaks a constant stream of foul smelling green goo."
    "Well, why not go up trap two?"
    "Can't do that" he says. "She's had a rectal prolapse and you can basically see her kidneys. The sphincter muscle has ripped and shit drips down the inside of her leg."
    "Well, if you don't mind me asking. Why the fuck did you marry someone so disgusting?"
    "For the maggots", he says.
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #508

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    I recreated a classic game of Hungry Hippo's when I walked into a Ladies Night at Weight Watchers, by emptying a big bag of Malteasers onto the floor !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  9. #509

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    Just back from Margate, what a fucking rough-house, never going back. Down on
    the seafront I saw a man and a woman having a right barny until the woman
    smacked the man in the mouth and they started fighting. Then a copper showed up,
    but instead of trying to calm it down, he smacked the bloke with his truncheon!
    In the end, the man got it off him, and started bashing the cop AND his wife! .
    . . . . . . . . Then a crocodile came and stole all the sausages!

  10. #510

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    Quote Originally Posted by McChav View Post
    Just back from Margate, what a fucking rough-house, never going back. Down on
    the seafront I saw a man and a woman having a right barny until the woman
    smacked the man in the mouth and they started fighting. Then a copper showed up,
    but instead of trying to calm it down, he smacked the bloke with his truncheon!
    In the end, the man got it off him, and started bashing the cop AND his wife! .
    . . . . . . . . Then a crocodile came and stole all the sausages!
    Thats the one !! "Wey Hey"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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