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  1. #511

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    For bloody hell sake, what a mess to sort out !!
    I cant believe I've mixed their Valentines cards up ...
    The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to give her one !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #512

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    Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of bird strike collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

    American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains.
    Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

    When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

    The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

    Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

    "Defrost the chicken."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #513

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    Bernard went into a brothel & said, "How much for anal?"
    She said, "Sixty quid."
    Bernard replied, "Ah, that's a bit expensive, I think I'll leave it."
    She said, "Tight arse."
    Bernard said, "Oh, go on then."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #514

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    LOL @ the last 3. Nice work Mr Morecambe

  5. #515

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    Asked my missus for a wank last night. She started rubbing my cock with a
    keyring. Perhaps it's just me, but I felt like I was being fobbed off!

  6. #516

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    Had a Valentines poem rejected by the missus, what's wrong with Roses are red,
    violets are twisted, bend over darling you're just about to get fisted?

  7. #517

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    Today, my mate asked me if I knew the biological word for a swollen vagina.

    I thought,Thick cunt

  8. #518

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    Murphys in the bathroom & Mick shouts 2 him "did u find the shampoo?" Murphy
    says "yes but its for dry hair & i've just fuckin wet mine!"

  9. #519

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    I suggested to my good lady that we should start to experiment with fruit, when having sex ...

    She went FUCKING BANANAS !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  10. #520

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by McChav View Post
    Murphys in the bathroom & Mick shouts 2 him "did u find the shampoo?" Murphy
    says "yes but its for dry hair & i've just fuckin wet mine!"
    Jackpot !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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