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  1. #711

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    I wanted to sell my car so Ernie told me to wind the mileage back to get a better price ...
    A few days later Ernie asked me how I was getting on selling my car ..
    "Ernie, when I finished winding it back it only had 10,000 on the clock, so Im keeping it now ..."
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #712
    Senior Member Mike Persil's Avatar
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    Oct 2010
    Location
    Stockport england
    Posts
    264

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    A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
    English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

    'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
    'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

    A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
    groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
    whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group
    was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

    The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
    feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

    2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
    incomprehensible to everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
    possible later retrieval; and

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
    half your paycheque on accessories for it..

    (THIS GETS BETTER!)

    The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
    Masculine ('el computador'), because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
    they ARE the problem; and

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a
    little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
    Mike "the mic" Persil

  3. #713

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    I tell you what CW Members... I thought I saw a Superhero running through the Town Centre of Weston Super Mare today ...

    Turns out it was just some Chav who hadn't paid for his haircut ... !!!

    "Be honset ..."
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #714
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    North East, England
    Posts
    251

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    RELIGION 10 fuckin characters you cunt
    (Irish Accent) I like a good posh wank, you know!

  5. #715
    Senior Member Mike Persil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Stockport england
    Posts
    264

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    The other day I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering round a bloke who had fell off his motorbike,
    So I frantically rushed out shouting "Out of my way"
    and barged through the crowd,
    "Are you a doctor" one woman shouted
    "No" I replied but this idiot is delivering my Pizza
    Mike "the mic" Persil

  6. #716

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Persil View Post
    The other day I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering round a bloke who had fell off his motorbike,
    So I frantically rushed out shouting "Out of my way"
    and barged through the crowd,
    "Are you a doctor" one woman shouted
    "No" I replied but this is the famous Mike Persil who drives home on his motor bike after getting knocked out at fight shows
    amended for you

  7. #717

    Default

    Do you know that 9 out of 10 men prefer large boobs.

    The other man prefers the 9 men ...
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #718

    Default

    I was chatting to this lass in the pub last night & I was telling her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born by holding their breasts in my hands.
    She thought I was having her on but was curious.
    Curiosity got the better of her & she said go on then give it a go Eric!
    I stood there feeling her breasts for about a minute ...
    She could'nt contain herself no longer & asked “When was I born then?”
    I replied "Yesterday”!
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  9. #719

    Default

    Went out with Ernie on Saturday night and got hammered ...

    I woke up the next morning to this large lass who was farting and snoring ...

    I thought to myself ... Thank god I made it home !!!

    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  10. #720

    Default

    I was driving along in the old Somerset roads when a Farmer waved me down and said "Ere, Eric me babs .. Your rear mud flaps have fallen off !"
    I said "Ah never mind, I'll carry on rear guard less ....."

    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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