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Thread: >> Post A Joke <<

  1. #731

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    Bloody next doors dog shat in our garden again, so Ernie told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence ..

    I don't see whats been solved there ... cuz we've still got dog mess in our garden and next door have our shovel !!!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #732

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    Bernard Manning shouts to me "Eric go and have a look at the size of my dump I've just done in the bathroom !!"
    "No thanks" I said
    "Eric, please, GO ON have a look"
    I covered my mouth & pinched my nose, then ran in and looked down the bog.
    "Can't see anything Bernard, you've must flushed it down"
    Bernard laughs "Ha Ha ... Eric its on the scales"

    TRE.gif
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #733

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    The Postman knocked on my door yesterday and said "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour"
    I said "Well, you've got the wrong house then haven't you!"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #734

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    Unbelievable ... The Wife lost her tooth last night whilst eating a packet of peanuts.
    To be fair though, I did warn her not to keep rustling the packet while the snooker was on !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  5. #735

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    " Some call it Magical, but its just a born gift of mine! "
    Last edited by Eric Morecambe; 23-03-2013 at 01:23 PM.
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #736

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    I'm a bloody nightmare I am, misunderstanding things all the time ...
    I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners last week and now I'm in casualty ...
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #737

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    Walked the good lady home from her Weight Watchers class last night. I kept her close as we went through a rough area in Bristol. As we turned a corner I fixed me eyes on a "Rough" looking Tramp, eating a disused Doner Kebab ..
    "Look at that poor bugger,,, I'm glad I'm not him"

    He probably thought ....
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #738

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    I was having a lovely Salad for my lunch the other day & Ernie commented on me trying to stab my fork into a pickled onion.
    "Eric for Christ sake, why don't use your fingers!!"
    I replied "Don't be daft, there no bloody sharper"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  9. #739

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    Whats the difference between a Donner Kebab and Justin Beiber?

    There are pubes on a donner kebab

  10. #740

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    I bought myself a Bristol Parrot last week, but I'm getting sick of already. All it keeps saying is .... "I'm a Pirates Parrot who's hard as fuck!" so I put a Kestrel in its cage.
    Next morning, I find the Kestrel dead and the Parrot says, " I'm from Bristol and I'm hard as fuck!"
    So Ernie gave me a Golden Eagle to put in his cage.
    Next morning I find the Eagle dead and the Parrot with no feathers!
    As I looked in the cage, the Parrot says, " AAarrrggh had to take me coat off for that fucker!"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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