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Thread: >> Post A Joke <<

  1. #241

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    A fisherman was trying to learn the alphabet.

    He got lost at C

    (sorry)

  2. #242

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    I was wanking over some birds in uniform last night,
    There were 3 sparrows in a straight line in the garden

  3. #243

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    My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.

    I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination."

    That showed her.

  4. #244

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    I remember when my mum would tuck me in.

    She really wanted a daughter.

  5. #245

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    Viz Top Tips

    Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all as to your allegiance.

    Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

    Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The
    possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.

    Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses
    blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.

    If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

    Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

    Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

    Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

    Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed,lie in a sandpit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

    Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

    Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y.

    Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

    Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest,imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

    An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

    Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

    Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan.

    Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

    Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

  6. #246

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    A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.

    His condition is described as stable.

  7. #247

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    Working for that 1000 count aint you Rabbit

  8. #248

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Evans View Post
    Working for that 1000 count aint you Rabbit
    Just a shame his jokes are shit.

  9. #249

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    its a joke people get banned for posting a joke on here yet people who have been on here for ages get to say what ever they want like dead babies and rape yet somebody makes a joke like everybody else and gets banned bullshit

  10. #250

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    Quote Originally Posted by besttocome View Post
    its a joke people get banned for posting a joke on here yet people who have been on here for ages get to say what ever they want like dead babies and rape yet somebody makes a joke like everybody else and gets banned bullshit
    ....... you mentioned some touchysubjects, the evil mods will have to review this now.

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