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Thread: >> Post A Joke <<

  1. #531

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    I was in the pub with the wife last night, and I said, "I love you."
    She said, " Eric is that you or the beer talking?"
    I replied, "It's me, talking to the beer."
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #532

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    The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife....
    They said "Mr Morecambe is this your wife sir?". Shocked I answered " Yes".
    They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus".
    I said "I know, but she's good with the kids"...!!
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #533

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    My wife has been missing for over a week now.

    Police have told me to prepare myself for the worst, so I went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
    Aka Huckle

  4. #534

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    I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used in the shower...98% of them said "Fuck off how the fuck did you get in here"?
    Aka Huckle

  5. #535

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    Me and the wife were arguing at the bus stop when the bus pulled up.
    The driver opened the doors and asked if we were getting on.
    I said, "No, she's a Bitch".
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #536

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    What did the fisherman say to the magician?
    “Pick a cod..........any cod.”
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #537
    Pro Farter ocuana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Huntingdon, nr cambridge/peterborough
    Posts
    2,135

    Default

    heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm?

    yes.


    Gggooood..... ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff???
    "Awww, so you lost darling - but it's the taking part that counts" My Mum... thanks for nothing Mum.

  8. #538

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    Match fixing in cricket is getting ridiculous, now one of the England cricketers
    has announced that he bats for the other side.

  9. #539

    Default

    I think I was out of order last night. I gave the wife a slap cos my dinner was
    cold and tasteless. On reflection, it was probably the restaurant's fault

  10. #540

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    The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't
    got long to live!"
    I replied "But Chelsea are playing Man Utd."

    She said "Record it and watch it later."

    You should have seen her face when I turned up with the camcorder and the
    tripod..!!!

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