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Thread: >> Post A Joke <<

  1. #531


    I was in the pub with the wife last night, and I said, "I love you."
    She said, " Eric is that you or the beer talking?"
    I replied, "It's me, talking to the beer."
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #532


    The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife....
    They said "Mr Morecambe is this your wife sir?". Shocked I answered " Yes".
    They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus".
    I said "I know, but she's good with the kids"...!!
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #533


    My wife has been missing for over a week now.

    Police have told me to prepare myself for the worst, so I went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
    Aka Huckle

  4. #534


    I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used in the shower...98% of them said "Fuck off how the fuck did you get in here"?
    Aka Huckle

  5. #535


    Me and the wife were arguing at the bus stop when the bus pulled up.
    The driver opened the doors and asked if we were getting on.
    I said, "No, she's a Bitch".
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #536


    What did the fisherman say to the magician?
    “Pick a cod..........any cod.”
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #537
    Pro Farter ocuana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Huntingdon, nr cambridge/peterborough


    heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm?


    Gggooood..... ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff???
    "Awww, so you lost darling - but it's the taking part that counts" My Mum... thanks for nothing Mum.

  8. #538


    Match fixing in cricket is getting ridiculous, now one of the England cricketers
    has announced that he bats for the other side.

  9. #539


    I think I was out of order last night. I gave the wife a slap cos my dinner was
    cold and tasteless. On reflection, it was probably the restaurant's fault

  10. #540


    The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't
    got long to live!"
    I replied "But Chelsea are playing Man Utd."

    She said "Record it and watch it later."

    You should have seen her face when I turned up with the camcorder and the

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