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  1. #601

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    I know this sounds silly but I always thought perth was where Chris Eubank kept his money ...
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #602

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    Mrs Morecambe set me a challenge the other day ..
    "Eric, I bet you cant make a bike out of spaghetti .."

    You should've seen the look on her face when I rode pasta ...

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #603

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    I mentioned to Mrs Morecambe "The new girl at work has the nicest legs I have ever seen"
    She said "Eric what are you saying?? You cant say that to me"
    I said "I know I cant ... You've got horrible legs ..."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #604

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    Ernie and myself was making a huge Apple Pie for the village fete, when we ran out of Apples ...
    So we popped round to a Cider Orchard and ask the Farmer "Have you got any spare Apples please ?"
    "I've got piles Eric"
    I said "Sorry to hear about that my friend, but have you got any Apples ?"

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  5. #605

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    I had a Stork Pie at a swanky new restaurant in town last night ...

    The food was great, but the bill was enormous ...
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #606

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    Do you know what ,,,

    that Albert Einstein went on to have a much more successful scientific career than his father Frank !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #607

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    Mrs Morecambe just got back from the hospital ...
    All good, the Gynaecologist gave her the thumbs up !
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #608
    Senior Member Mike Persil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Stockport england
    Posts
    270

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    The best jokes are the ones where you dont see the punch line coming so read on its worth it.

    Two "nice boys", Gavin and Adrian went to the travelling fairground.

    Gavin saw the waltzer and fancied a go but Adrian was too scared and backed out so Gavin went on his own.

    After a couple of minutes on the ride Gavin lost his grip and flew out of the cart, off the ride, crashed through the barrier, through a hedge and stopped rolling in a field.

    Adrian ran over and said Gavin are you hurt?

    He replied: Hurt! Hurt! of course I am hurt, I went around three times and you never waived!
    Mike "the mic" Persil

  9. #609

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    Nick Helm won the best joke award in the Edinburgh Fringe ..
    The top 10 festival jokes were judged to be ....

    1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

    2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

    3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

    4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

    5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

    6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

    7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

    8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

    9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

    10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  10. #610

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    The Champ !! Mr Nick Helm

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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