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  1. #631

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    Sex between 3 people is a 3 some ..
    Sex between 2 people is a 2 some ..

    Now Handsome is'nt such a compliment after all Ernie !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #632

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    Whatta day I've had ..

    I'm sick of people lying to me.

    I've asked 3 people for the time today and they've all told me something different.
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  3. #633

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    Not having much luck with the car at the moment ...

    I think the dipstick is wearing out ...

    Does'nt touch the oil anymore !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #634

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    I've entered Ernie's cat in a 80's pop star animal look-a-like contest ...

    He's going as Furball Sharkey ...

    Last edited by Eric Morecambe; 16-09-2011 at 11:25 PM.
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  5. #635

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric Morecambe View Post
    Not having much luck with the car at the moment ...

    I think the dipstick is wearing out ...

    Does'nt touch the oil anymore !!
    See what I mean about me car ..

    I've just been overtaken on the motorway by a McVities delivery lorry ...

    Now that takes the biscuit ..
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  6. #636

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    Bartholomew & Wise Plumbing Services we were called . Ernie and I only lasted a week as plumbers ...
    Our first job we went out to, was to sort out some leaks at a ladys house, but unfortunately we managed to get the water pipes and the sewage pipes mixed up.
    She said we were "A shower of shit !!"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  7. #637

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    I, Farmer Eric was approached by the Police drugs devision the other day ..
    The officer ask me "Eric I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
    I said, "How dare you !! You wont find anything here .."
    The Police officer FIRMLY said, " Mr Morecambe, I have the authority of the Government with me !"
    "Okey Dokey , but for christ sake Officer don't go in that field over there.....", I pointed out the location.

    Reaching into his pocket, he showed his badge to me and said "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear Mr Morecambe......do you understand ?!!"

    I nodded politely and walked away ...

    Later on, I heard these loud screams. I looked up, and saw the Police Officer running for his life, being chased by my Prize Bull......

    Big Bill as I called my Bull, was gaining ground on the Officer, and I knew it he'd sure enough get trambled on before he reached safety. The officer was terrified and so I quickly ran to the fence and shouted .....

    "Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  8. #638

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    I was speaking to our Vicar and he was telling me "When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter."
    "Why do you say that", I said.
    The vicar replies "Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking what did I come in hear after."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  9. #639
    Ryan White
    Pro Fighter
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    Apr 2007
    Location
    Brighton
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    681

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    A cannibal is sat crying next to a pile of shit.

    A man asks him "Whats wrong?

    "He replies "I've just dumped my girlfriend"
    the bullshit stops when the cage door locks!!! @prosystemsmma @Ryanwhitemma

  10. #640

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    Ernie and I saw Bernard Manning getting chucked out of the local swimming baths .
    "What've you've done now Bernard" we asked ..
    "I've upset some of the other swimmers cause of the large bulge in my trunks .. I did point out that other men had the same and I asked why they hadn't been asked to leave?
    The lifeguard told me "That they hadn't shit themselves!"

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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