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  1. #641

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    “Do you know what, I really hate sitting in traffic .."

    "Always get run over, I do Ern.”

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #642

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eric Morecambe View Post
    I, Farmer Eric was approached by the Police drugs devision the other day ..
    The officer ask me "Eric I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
    I said, "How dare you !! You wont find anything here .."
    The Police officer FIRMLY said, " Mr Morecambe, I have the authority of the Government with me !"
    "Okey Dokey , but for christ sake Officer don't go in that field over there.....", I pointed out the location.

    Reaching into his pocket, he showed his badge to me and said "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear Mr Morecambe......do you understand ?!!"

    I nodded politely and walked away ...

    Later on, I heard these loud screams. I looked up, and saw the Police Officer running for his life, being chased by my Prize Bull......

    Big Bill as I called my Bull, was gaining ground on the Officer, and I knew it he'd sure enough get trambled on before he reached safety. The officer was terrified and so I quickly ran to the fence and shouted .....

    "Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
    This is awesome! LMFAO!

  3. #643

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    Just received some bad news .. A mate of mine killed himself by diving headfirst down a manhole ..

    I always knew he was sewercidal !! ...
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  4. #644

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    Ernie's got a new job at the Apiary ...

    He said to me "Eric, there's a right buzz about the place .."
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  5. #645
    Ryan White
    Pro Fighter
    R.T.G.W's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Brighton
    Posts
    677

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    When Chuck Norris sneezes he creates the 0.1% of bacteria dettol can't kill!
    the bullshit stops when the cage door locks!!! @prosystemsmma

  6. #646

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    Quote Originally Posted by R.T.G.W View Post
    When Chuck Norris sneezes he creates the 0.1% of bacteria dettol can't kill!
    LOL - not bad not bad...

  7. #647
    Senior Member Daniel Churnside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Leigh nr Manchester
    Posts
    1,244

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    Chuck Norris can tear a page out of Facebook
    No Pressure, No Diamonds.

  8. #648

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    I love it when the wife puts on her "Nurses Uniform ..."

    It means the cows going to work !!
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  9. #649

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    I've just ordered the personal number plate BAA B88 ..

    Its going look great on my Black Jeep ..
    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  10. #650

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    The Postman was greeted by Ernie & myself and a huge dog, the other day. Postman said "Does your dog bite Eric?"
    "No," I replied
    The huge dog bit the Postman. The man yelled, "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"
    "He doesn't," I said, "That's not my dog!"

    "He値l never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

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