Think I'm in trouble with the police..
So I was in town today and decided to pay a visit to the local brothel.
Picked this chick, young piece of ass, the fun and bubbly type.
She was all chat and talk and fun up until the point that she asked me where I was from.
I told her I was from England - which I'm not.
I just couldn't have been bothered pronouncing the name of my country - UK just trips off the tongue easier.
She was like, "So, where you from??".
I was like, "UK".
Almost instantaneously her mood sullened, for some reason.
Barely a word out of her after that.
But I was like, fuck it - I'm just gonna bang you anyway.
So I was banging her, and she was just laying there, like a corpse, making the occasional moan - which actually came across like she was trying to ridicule me more than anything else.
Next thing, I sort of went into instinct mode; well, I certainly didn't do it consciously; but I was fuckin her, and I just gave a little nibble on her collar bone.
She actually got both of her hands and put them into my chest, pushing me back and said, "don't touch me - just fuck me, finish and go."
So at this stage I was like, "What the fuck is this bitch's problem".
But fuck it, I was getting my jollies, so I wasn't about to ruin the party just cause this little slapper had an attitude problem.
So I kept fuckin her, just taken my time - not too slow - but just cruising.
Next thing, without even looking at me (she had her head to the side anyway, distinctly looking away from me) she said, "are you finished!?".
There was a little bit more aggression in there than I liked though.
And it was pretty clear there was no way I was finished.
I'd only been at it about a minute.
I just said, "listen sweet heart, I don't know why you don't like English folk, but despite where I'm from, I'm a good guy, okay?".
She sort of guffawed or snorted - I don't know what you'd call it exactly - and then pulled face in the direction of our crotch area, as if to indicate I was somehow lacking in that department.
Now I don't mind when some tart gets ahead of herself and gets a little ignorant.
But making fun of the Sargent Major is 100% unacceptable in my books.
Quick as lightening (we were in the missionary position) I postured up and just began raining down the blows.
Think Frye Vs Takayama.
Or Melvin Manhoef when he pounded the face off that Japanese boxing star in an mma bout.
She didn't even have time to react.
I think she was actually out after the third or fourth blow - I heard something distinctly crunch when I landed the first bomb.
But there was no stopping me.
It was like I had gone into some kind of violent and sadistically orientated frenzy.
The blows were coming faster and harder.
Eventually I caught a hold of myself.
If she was ugly before, she was a horrible focking sight worse now.
I could barely make out her face - which had become so bloodied, bruised and swollen it had lost any trace of discern-ability.
She was just lying there like a maniquan really. Head sagged uselessly to one side.
Her blood was beginning to soak into the sheets, and I was feeling a bit sketchy about how the situation had unfolded.
Without even thinking about it, I just hopped off the bed, threw back on my threads faster than you can say "that bitch is fucked!", whipped the fifty I paid her out of the dresser drawer, along with the other scattering of notes inside, and cruised nonchalantly back down the stairs and out the door, waving to the entrance lady on my way out; as if to say, "I had a great time and I'll be back soon".
Anyways, I'm a bit concerned the authorities are on my ass.
Not for any real reason.
Just paranoia really.
But hey. If she does actually recover (and that's a big if) and I'm caught and we go to court - who are they gonna believe - right?
Me, a fine upstanding citizen - or the hooker.
It's a no brainer really.
I'll just tell them she most likely slipped and fell down the stairs and is thus trying to scam a claim out of me.
Took 3 punches to KO a hooker??
I enjoy your tales of beating up prozzies, living the dream man!
all i took from that is that she thought you have a small nob...
still always baffles me how sad some people are to go to the effort to type all that bullshit up and it not even being funny.
"The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war"
Absolutely STUBBSY, THEY'LL GO FOR THE CW LEGENDARY TROLL EVERY TIME (PLUs the hooker is an immigrant so you have no problem), lol. Shouldda kept going till you got your end away though, rather than run off. Poor form IMO, but at least you took al her money.
Originally Posted by paddylast
Mod, Referee, MC
I got deja vu ............... Then my mom got scared and said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air.
I'm no gynecologist but I know a cunt when I see one.
Originally Posted by Sledge