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Thread: Whats the scariest shit you have done/seen??

  1. #1

    Default Whats the scariest shit you have done/seen??

    I start.

    I was born and grew up in Zambia home to the great Victoria falls or more correctly called "Mosi o Tunya" in the local Tonga dyalect (The smoke that thunders).



    A lot of people come here to do the whitewater rafting



    - thing is by the large rapids there is a distinct lack of crocs and hippos - so the tourists get a bit of a safe ride.

    From the ages of 0 to 16 we used to go camping/fishing on the Zambezi on the regular, this entailed driving for about 4 hours with speed boat in tow, finding a jetti on the outskirts of civilisation, launching the boats into the fast flowing and muddy waters of the Zambezi and setting off down stream to get to a camp deep in the gameparks.

    We were after gamefish - in fact the best game fish in the world can be found on the Zambezi - its called the tiger fish and it is a phenominal fish to get on the line, it is related closely to the Pirianha and is much bigger - it often bites through trace wire to get to the bait (ox heart is best) and I have literally had four strikes on the line and pulled out a lure (with three hooks) with three decent sized tiger fish bitten in half by one giant tiger fish!.





    The meat from this fish is incredible and makes the sitting on a boat in 40 degrees C for 10 hours all the worth while when once back at camp you get this baby on the BBQ with some salt, garlic and lemon wrapped in foil. I have not eaten any fish that tastes as good as this does cooked on a camp fire - NONE.

  2. #2

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    Anyhow - the river is extremely fast flowing and treacherous, basically it has a great deal of hiiden obstacles like sand banks which you can only see with a well trained eye and can quickly take the water from 20 meters or so deep to a couple of feet smashing the outboard motor and popping it out of its fittings (been on friends boats in the past where we have lost at least 2 outboards like this), also there are often tree stumps and rocks that pose a serious threat to aiding your journey to a watery grave, but by far the biggest and most dangerous thread is the huge amount of hippos and crocodiles. Now for those of you who think that hippos are nice and sweet let me explain, the Zambezi can often be a couple of miles across from bank to bank but in other sections (and when forced into channels by the sandbanks) it is very narrow - a pod of hippos can be anything from 5 or so hippos to 200 strong. Hippos are the most dangerous, aggressive and territorial animals in the bush, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I personally know three people who have had the misfortune of being munched by hippos and countless others who have had their boats overturned or been chased by them.





    we would generally take these trips with no real security - if for any reason anything happened and you did not reach the camp you would have to wait it out until day light and hope another boat came down the river to rescue you (and that they noticed you waving like mad from the bank ahead of the Lions, Buffalo etc).

    Well - my experience comes when we were at the end of one of these trips. Everybody had packed up and the other boat had been winched out of the water by our friends 4X4 but the bank was extremely steep for our trailer, and when trying to get their boat out it had almost pulled the landcruiser into the river - not a good idea really. So I was tasked with taking the boat out into the fast flowing channel and driving it round to another shallower bank whilst everybody else made their way by foot.

    Just off the bank was a steep drop off to about 2 meters depth with a large amount of weeds, we had already spotted a 17 ft croc on the bank when we pulled up - but he had long since gone when we arrived to pull out the first boat. about 200 meters down stream was a HUGE pod of hippos, at least 50. I would guess it was more in the region of 70 or so, a lot of large bull and females and a number of young, a very dangerous time of year to mess with hippos.



    So - my Dad tells me to bring the boat round (I am 13 or so at the time) and I oblige, I push our battered yellow boat into the reeds pull myself onbaord and turning the key the engine kicks into life. Pushing the boat into reverse I do a quick Uey and kick the stick forward shifting the boat out into the fast stream... but as I do the engine makes a spluttering noise and cuts out......
    Last edited by ShaolinSubz02; 30-09-2011 at 11:33 AM.

  3. #3

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    - our outboard was an old thing and very often we would have to pull off the engine cover and open the choke before trying to manually start the fucker. It had been behaving itself up till now



    So there I am, the momentum of the boat pushing it further out into the fast channel towards a pod of agressive hippos, I quickly try to get the boat outboard started again, I utnr the kep put only get a whiring noise like the sparks just are not firing - I run round to the engine and throw off the cover and twist the choke on, run back to the ignition switch and start turning the key repatedly - same shit, whiring noise with no firing.. the panic quickly sets in.

    I can hear my Dad and the others on the bank shouting at me instructions (actually my Dad as usual is telling me I am an idiot for flooding the engine and shouting advice without actually knowing I am doing everything right and its his cheapscate engine), my Dads friends are laughing at me as I begin to panic, everyone finds it highly amusing except me.

    As time passes (about 2 minutes) it quickly gets more serious, I am almost on top of the hippos and although my stupid Dads friends are still having a whale of a time my Dad is now worried and demanding they get the boat in the water, he wayds out into the reeds and starts shouting more useless instruction.

    I estimate the water to be flowing at about 12 miles an hour - thats pretty damn fast for a river. The first hippos in front of the pod duck their heads and go under the surface as my stupid yellow boat (which I love!) glides over them, they pop up behind the boat with aggresive snorting and genral hippos pissed off noise making. I almost freeze - there is no way the boat will get over the pod in front of me without getting over turned and no way I will make it out alive in the middle of a pod of pissed off hippos numbering into the 60+,....

    I grab the guide rope from the front of the boat wrap it round my hand and dive into the water - by this point I am 20 meters or so from the pod and their are hippos all around - I swim with all my might towards the shore dragging the boat - the people on the bank are going balistic and desperately trying to launch the boat - my Dad was already up to his waist and almost being dragged downstream by the strength of the river, I look around put cant see shit, I am kicking as hard as possible and people are telling me to let the boat go but its the one thing that makes me feel safe - iin the back of my mind its a shield of sorts - I keep kicking and the adrenalin and panic is making me cramp up with each kick as I try to move faster then my body allows - I managed to clip the pod with the outboard motor taking a knock from something and - this is no lie - I duck my head into the water and below me is a fucking hippo - it feels like its close enough to touch and I kick like crazy to get away -

    Anyhow - I manage to get to the reeds and then I am no longer scared for the hippos as they moo and snort away and make a massive commotion behind me - instead I am scared for crocodiles. By this point I am much further down the river then the pick up point but I manage to get to the bank and pull the boat in.

    My Dads friends think its hilarious,. My Dad frowns at me and tells me I should have listend to him and the boat would have started. I get a scolding but in the back of my mind I thank the stars

    luckily for me the pod was in deep water else I would have been dead.

    That is all
    Last edited by ShaolinSubz02; 30-09-2011 at 11:38 AM.

  4. #4

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    WOWOWOWOW.

    Fuck that shit!

    The scariest thing I've ever done is fight. Not physically fighting but training for a fight can mentally fuck you up. That was scary.

    Hippos are scarier.
    Coffee drinker, prefer Pepsi and I'm kind of a big deal.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xanthic View Post
    WOWOWOWOW.

    Fuck that shit!

    The scariest thing I've ever done is fight. Not physically fighting but training for a fight can mentally fuck you up. That was scary.

    Hippos are scarier.
    Hey bro - fighting is noooooooooooooo joke. I get butterflys when I go train after time out - saying that a hippo in a MMA event would win everytime unless he went up against T rex, who would win between T Rex and Godzilla though is anyones guess

  6. #6
    Senior Member Daniel Churnside's Avatar
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    No Pressure, No Diamonds.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by ShaolinSubz02 View Post
    Hey bro - fighting is noooooooooooooo joke. I get butterflys when I go train after time out - saying that a hippo in a MMA event would win everytime unless he went up against T rex, who would win between T Rex and Godzilla though is anyones guess
    I watched a documentary not long ago where an Aussie wanted to see which was more a threat to humans, hippos or crocodiles - hippos won as they're temperamental whereas crocs apparantly are opportunistic.

    Fighting makes you over-analyse and question your skills.

    Godzilla would win. Look at the size difference! In the Broderick version of the film, Godzilla was as big as a friggin' skyscraper! Whereas in Jurassic Park, Rex wasnt that big - they're also only about the same size as King Kong.

    http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question...6090925AAEr09X
    Coffee drinker, prefer Pepsi and I'm kind of a big deal.

  8. #8
    Dont be scared Homie Plastikman's Avatar
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    2 weeks ago I spent the day dynamiting stuff 1km underground, down a Bolivian silver mine drinking beers and ethel alcohol with a bunch of pisshead locals. That was scary.
    "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

  9. #9
    settings/edit profile Jimmy Boogaloo's Avatar
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    you did fucking what? lol awesome!
    'maybe on reflection that was a genuine grievance and not a gimmick. '

  10. #10
    settings/edit profile Jimmy Boogaloo's Avatar
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    you know there's been a worldwide spate of mine accidents - a lot of them involving Britishmen so that puts you at even more risk from a statistical point of view.
    'maybe on reflection that was a genuine grievance and not a gimmick. '

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