There's loads but a some stick in my mind;
1) About a year ago I knocked back a little Irish lad for being too pissed and he proceeded to go off on one so I politely escorted him out of the queue and further down the street where there were less people (thus quieter) to explain why he couldnt come in as he wasnt having it when I was explaining at the door.
He proceeded to hurl a few racist jibes and threatened to have me "blown up by the IRA" to which I went stone faced and told him to fuck off. He took a step closer with his arms out so I went to knee him in the balls, missed and kneed him in the stomach instead (dont ask how I missed). He backpeddalled, carried on mouthing off about how he knew the IRA and how he had connections etc etc etc
I saw him 2 weeks later... as he showed me to my seat in Nandos.
2) Similar to the first except it was a friend of mine. He knocked back a lad who started mouthing off about how he was a gunman and he'd get shot after work etc They met again during the day as he served my mate at a McDonalds Drive Thru.
3) Last weekend me and Dave Garvey were working and to amuse ourselves we started pretending to be Polish by putting on accents to the amusement of the flyerers outside. It worked particularly well since we pretended not to understand most of the things people were saying to us and would occasionally look at each other with confused faces followed by pretend-mock Polish speak to where we'd then nod at each other then smile at the customers... anyway...
This girl who had been in earlier (which made it even funnier as we'd already spoken to her in our normal Manc accents) asked if she could leave to go to the cash machine - "Yesh, isss not problem". Upon her return;
Garvey: "You look like my wife, scrong, shoulders are beeg, my wife work good on farrm. Have you got the pass?"
Girl: "My passport? You've already seen it... *takes out her passport and hands it over*"
Garvey: "Ah, goot. I copyyy? *makes scanning motion over the passport*
Girl: [drunk and not taking in what's going on] "Yeah whatever..."
Garvey walks inside, appears again 2 minutes later with a big grin on his face
Garvey: "Thank, my wife ees happy now. She come over now."
Girl's Mate: "He's just copied your passport!"
Girl: "What?! Where's my passport? Give it here!"
Garvey: "No I make copyyy. You say yes. I make copyyy. My wife now come over and happy."
Girl's Mate: "He's just copied your passport to bring his wife over!"
Girl: "I'm calling the police...".
She did indeed call the police. As everybody laughed at her and her mate's stupidity.
Now now Ross, play nicely.
Originally Posted by Ross
Coffee drinker, prefer Pepsi and I'm kind of a big deal.