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Thread: Door supervisor amusing stories

  1. #21


    some very entertaining stories here.

    couple of weeks ago i was on the door with another guy but he was halfway down the stairs trying to clear up an access problem (girls like to stop in front of the mirror on the landing halfway down the stairs blocking the way past.)

    A guy staggered up to the door, clearly one of the most drunk-yet-still-standing people i had ever seen in my life, he flashed his hand stamp at me to indicate he had already paid entry, but i had to knock him back for having had too much.

    He was in no state to argue, i think processing oxygen was taking up all his functioning ability, so he wandered off up the road. the road up is a gentle rise, you wouldn't call it a hill, but this guy started to really struggle with the insignificant gradient.

    I dont think he realised that he was leaning back so far, obviously off balanced by this, the gentlest of slopes. So for every two or three steps forward he ended up having to take one or two steps back to catch himself and avoid falling over backwards.

    This made his progress up the road VERY slow, and incredibly humerous, and i shouted for my colleague to hurry up and join me back at the door, lest he miss the funniest thing that had happened on the door in a long while. still dealing with two girls standing in front of the mirror, and a couple of guys sat at the bottom of the stairs, it took him several minutes for him to join me as i, meanwhile had to hold my side to avoid the pain i was in from laughing so hard at this guys slow progress up the road, and the confused look on his face caused by his own effort-to-distance ratio.

    my colleague arrived just as he disapeared around the corner and was gutted that he missed it. i stared at the corner for a few seconds trying to gather myself enough to find the words to explain how funny it was when the drunk guy suddenly staggered backwards into view around the corner, he seemed to be gaining speed as he windmilled his legs backwards trying to find his balance, perhaps something about the slope coupled with the deceptive angle of the corner had clearly got the better off him, because he kept going backwards until he crashed into a nearby bin.

    As he crashed into the bin backwards the impact lifted him off his feet, so there he was the small of his back supported by the bin top, looking up into space, with his arms and legs kicking and flailing about looking for purchase on a surface that was beyond his reach, he looked like a tortoise stuck on its back.

    We laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes.
    Last edited by blackdogmma; 18-11-2011 at 03:19 PM. Reason: missing suffixes.

  2. #22


    Haha, love that blackdogmma.

    Reminds me of this:

  3. #23


    hahaha I lol'd big time at that

    If you need a friend, get a dog !

  4. #24

  5. #25


    this is the one I was looking for - reminds me of Balckdogmas story right here check this fellow out

  6. #26
    settings/edit profile Jimmy Boogaloo's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    London Town


    Quote Originally Posted by blackdogmma View Post
    the confused look on his face caused by his own effort-to-distance ratio.
    got many lol's from this, but ^ is the best bit imo
    'Go read a fucking book, you piece of shit.'

  7. #27


    Saw a beautiful Thai girl lined up to get in the club last week, i tried not to stare, but as i gazed around our eyes met and she beamed me a coy smile.

    i whispered to myself "dont get an erection", please dont get an erection"

    but it was no use.........

    She did.

  8. #28


    Quote Originally Posted by blackdogmma View Post
    Saw a beautiful Thai girl lined up to get in the club last week, i tried not to stare, but as i gazed around our eyes met and she beamed me a coy smile.

    i whispered to myself "dont get an erection", please dont get an erection"

    but it was no use.........

    She did.
    Hahaha! Is that you Eric Morecambe?
    Tea Drinker for Life, but preaching tolerance for the Children of Coffee.

  9. #29


    I have had many amusing altercations in my time as a police officer and bodyguard. One time we had some valuable intel on a local lad who was a known marijuanah dealer (we had locked this lad up plenty of times for various offences but never found any drugs on him) he was the type that liked to flash his cash, always had expensive jewellry one, drove a bmw 5 series etc. anyway one day myself and another officer managed to get a warrant so went to search his house. We knocked on the door and his mum answered...

    Mum : ' Yes can I help ' ?
    Me : ' Hello Mrs * is * home ? We just need to speak to him. (No names will be used for obvious reasons).
    Mum : ' Yeah, is he in trouble ' ?
    Me : ' Not yet but we just need to ask him a few questions.

    Next thing you know we heard the back door squeaking and I peered through to see him sneaking out of the back door. I made a run for it up the alley (I knew the surrounding area well and could easily cut him off). After an intense 5 minute chase which left me a little out of puff (was nothing compared to our black belt sparring drills though) I finally managed to stop him. He struggled but he was no match for my powerful style, I landed a nice uchi-mata and held him in the kesa-gatami position until Phil had caught up and threw the cuffs on him. Phil had seen what happened and asked where I learned the moves, 6 months later and he was a blackbelt (and an extremely dangerous one at that).

    Me: 'We just wanted to ask you a few questions, why the struggle' ?

    Him: 'Listen, I didn't know she was only 15 she told me she was 18'

    Unfortunately for him a young girl had reported a sexual assault a few days before so he ended up getting slammed with a possession charge (we found a decent amount of marijuanah along with some steroids) and faced a lengthy legal battle for the alleged assault.

    What an idiot! The worst part about it was he only got 200 hours community service for the marijuanah but did get a nice 9 month sentence for the assault and put on the register for 10 years!!!

    It's a shame idiots like that can't even put up a decent fight. If he'd have spent £10,000 doing my black belt course instead of on that bmw he would probably have gotten away.

    Don't make the same mistake he did :
    Last edited by steve sharkey; 18-11-2011 at 08:31 PM.
    4th Dan black belt under Frank Murphy (6th Dan).

  10. #30


    Quote Originally Posted by HomerPlata View Post
    Hahaha! Is that you Eric Morecambe?
    nah, i never open troll/annonymous/single use accounts on forums.

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