Everybody stand back. I got this.
Working in bristol town a few months ago, we have this huge doorman - lovely bloke but abit quick to get heavy.
We were stood on the door, and in the distance running towards us at full speed comes this bloke, fully sprinting. So my co-worker sees him and we both wondered what was happening, my coworker starting to panic.
The guy was running at us at some serious speed! with no signs of stopping, so my co worker says "if he keeps running at me im gonna drop him" , which in this case seeemd fairly logical as the guy was steaming towards us and now very close, making my co worker even more on edge.
about 10 meteres away now and the guy drops his head and gives it one last burst of speed, "hes gotta stop now, if he keeps running il have to hit him!" says co worker.
This guy gets within about 2 metres... BANG!! Closelined from hell by the other doorman. the guy just lies there flat, and motionless.
"i dunno what that was all about??" my colegue says, turning round with a puzzled look on his face.
With that - the bus at the end of the road pulls away from the stop and drives off....
Needless to say, i was fucking dribbling with laughter.
This is not a gif. It is an actual video of Fedor doing infinate press ups.
There was a girl dancing on a table last night, and the establishment frowns on that sort of thing, and seeing as she was quite a big girl, physics frowns on that kinda behaviour also.
I quickly made my way over to her before physics had a chance to ruin her night ( and perhaps scare japan with a few aftershock tremors from her impending fall) and indicated to her to get down.
What i hadn't given thought to was how potentially romantic this situation could be through her eyes, there i was with my hand outstretched as an aid for her to get down, when i saw it in her eyes, the little glint that clued me in to what she was thinking, she had visions of hoping off the table into my awaiting (manly) arms, where i would catch her in with a hand in each armpit and guide her gently to the ground like a scene from dirty dancing.
Problem was catching her would have resulted in a serious loss of height on my part as her weight would have folded me up like a cardboard box. i dont want to be cruel about her weight issue but if i were to list the five fattest people i had ever met, she would be three of them. i saw what was about to happen a second before she jumped, and still holding her hand to guide her descent, i quickly sidestepped and prayed she would land on her feet.
Miraculously she landed safely and gave me a big hug by way of an apology for being up there in the first place, and i didnt feel the need to chastise her any further, especially on account of the fact that i was feeling a tad sorry for her because during the hug i realised i could not reach my arms around her considerable girth and make my hands meet. i could only imagine the advantage that would give her in a greco match!
On the plus side i seemed to have serious game with the ladies (and not just the big girls) this weekend, i might be taking a posting hiatus if this keeps up.
Hahahahahaaaaaaa!! Loving the last couple of posts
Tea Drinker for Life, but preaching tolerance for the Children of Coffee.
I kicked out an American 'kid' (19 years old, I remember ID'ing him) on Friday night for swinging off the supports/beams that run across the ceiling of the inside... he'd knew what he'd done as soon as I pulled him up about it as he'd been warned about it by the bar supervisor about 4/5 times before.
Anyway there were a few of them together and he'd been getting into an American girl most of the night so when I'd walked him outside she was asking why he'd been kicked out as he'd (for some reason) told her we kicked him out cos they were "making out too much".
"Are you serious? Did you really kick him out for making out with me?", "No love, I kicked him out cos we caught him masturbating on the dancefloor, we have it on CCTV and we'd been told by the bar supervisor", "WHAT? REALLY?!".
So off she toddled to tell him it was disgusting to which he marched up to me and said "Dude really? You kicked me out man but do you really have to cock block me? I should kick your teeth through the back of your throat! Masturbating on the dancefloor really?".
It might not be funny reading it but it made me and my colleagues piss ourselves.
Especially when Garvey kicked the girl out for annoying him 5 minutes later.
"I'm cold!", "So go home with him then...", "I dont want to go home with him!" *American guy is stood behind her with a rejected face like he'd just been slapped with a fish*
Coffee drinker, prefer Pepsi and I'm kind of a big deal.