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Thread: Door supervisor amusing stories

  1. #41

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    "There was a girl dancing on a table last night, and the establishment frowns on that sort of thing, and seeing as she was quite a big girl, physics frowns on that kinda behaviour also"

    Brilliant turn of phrase. More please!
    Styles Change - Style Doesn't

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  2. #42

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    Was it Blackdog that wrote that legendary thread about two idiots windmilling at each other outside a nightclub ?

    Not sure of a keyword to use to search for it
    Gary.

    Doesn't have a signature anymore

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheUnfitOne View Post
    Was it Blackdog that wrote that legendary thread about two idiots windmilling at each other outside a nightclub ?

    Not sure of a keyword to use to search for it
    That was John@FightersOnly. Great post.

    http://www.cagewarriors.com/forums/s...nd-(long-story)

  4. #44

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    ^ He beat me to it. I am stupid.
    Coffee drinker, prefer Pepsi and I'm kind of a big deal.

  5. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by david5 View Post
    bouncers is smart peoples
    Perhaps i should of shouted a warning, like how much time i've spent in brazil, or what colour belt im currently on in BJJ
    This is not a gif. It is an actual video of Fedor doing infinate press ups.
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  6. #46

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    Another weekend on the door over, and plenty of amusing/facepalm worthy incidents to tell, one in particular which really stands out happened saturday night.

    Had a lad in the queue for the club who clearly did not look old enough to get in, truth be told he didnt look old enough to have hit puberty yet. he was very small, i would be suprised if he weighted more than 45kg and he had the cherubic face of someone who still had his mum read him bedtime stories.

    You can imagine my surprise when i ID'ed him, that his ID indicated that he was 20. i showed it to the others, but it was a passport and completely legit. Against my better judgement i let him in, i felt it a tad cruel, knowing as a did that some of the more unsavory denizens of our particular establishment would eat him up and spit him out, he might as well have had 'prey' stamped on his forehead and wore a shirt with a target on it.

    I let the lad past with the sinking feeling that it wouldn't be the last time i would see this lad tonight. As i watched him enthusiastically skip down the stairs i couldn't help ponder on how cruel nature can be, but as always, as long as i didn't interfere the heartless bitch would let me watch his downfall, she may be heartless, but she still has a sense of humor.

    About 40 minutes later i was called on the radio to go and help one of my colleagues downstairs in the toilets. i was imediately suspicious about this because we all have a tendancy to pull pranks on each other to pass the time, or jump each other from behind with rear naked chokes, just for shits and giggles.I had already been on the recieving end of a couple of RNC's earlier in the night while it was quiet, so i gave it my best effort to cautiously hurry (if thats even possible) to the toilets (checking every nook and hiding spot on the way just in case a fellow doorman was waiting to jump me).

    When i got there i was relieved to discover that it was a legitimate issue, my colleague informed me that there was someone in the toilets who needed ejecting, he had called for me to do it, so that he could resume his spot watching the dancefloor. i agreed to take over and he left me to it.

    I went in to find a large group of lads standing around one of the cubicles and giggling. i pushed my way through the crowd to see what was going on, and my relief at this not being a prank was replaced by pity. there was the lad from earlier, now asleep on the toilet with the door wide open. The gathered crowd had dressed him up in toilet paper, tucking lengths of it behind his ears, in his shirt, over his head, in his trouser pockets and stuffed in the edges of his shoes.

    He had been completely sober only 40ish minutes earlier, but it wasnt that surprising that he couldn't hold his alcohol, at his body weight one drink was probably potent enough to knock him sideways, mother nature had seriously worked over time on this poor fucker. everyone had been laughing and prodding him as i walked in and they were still all taking pictures and video on their phones as i nudged him awake.

    after a bit of cadjoling he woke up, and i turned to the lads behind me and indicated that the lad had more than enough for tonight and someone should really think about making sure he got home safely. That when i found out none of the bastards knew him, they just found him like that and tortured him like that, and within seconds they all disapeared leaving me and sleepy alone.

    I got him to splash some water on his face and proceeded to walk him upstairs. while we walked he pleaded his case to stay in the club while i firmly but politely informed him "no fucking chance" it was at this point that i had the most looney tunes conversation in my life.

    our conversation was fairly simple to start with him saying variations of "please let me stay" and me saying variation of "it's time for you to go home" but somewhere along the way i changed tack and started to say "no you can't stay", and he switched to pleading to be "allowed to go home". It was literally the most bugs bunny-daffy duck moment of my life, (wabbit season/duck season) finally we were stood on the stairs and he was pleading me to let him go home. i pretended that he had convinced me to let him go, and he sauntered off up the stairs unaided!

    As we arrived at the top of the stairs one of my colleagues tried to shivvy him along a littel faster and said "come on sleeping beauty" because by now the whole club knew the story of why he was being kicked out, i wouldnt have been surprised if the photos were already on facebook.

    as i walked him the rest of the way out i heard a fat girl in a red dress say "did that bouncer just call me a beauty?" to her mate behind her, as he walked away out of earshot.

    realising that she had the wrong end of the stick, i did the only fair thing and said "oh you must be the girl in the red dress he was talking about on the radio, yeah i think my friend really has his eye on you". (revenge for those RNC earlier in the evening)

    She beamed a smile at me, and spent the rest of the night lurking around my colleague,dancing beside him and chatting, and taking a cigarette break every time he was on ID duty so she could stand beside him and chat, much to his obvious bemusement, he even mentioned it after we had shut, as were all getting ready to leave.

    I struggled to keep a straight face.

    one-nil to me i think.

  7. #47

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    LOL epic!!



    I RNC someone last night to eject them.. put up a real struggle, hiting me over his head. Then just went as limp as a fish, so i had to carry him like a bride out the door - much to the laughter from the new foreign HOT barmaid i was trying to chat up.

    I'd choked the poor cunt out!
    This is not a gif. It is an actual video of Fedor doing infinate press ups.
    3-0-0

  8. #48
    Resident Hippy Mod CraigSt.Clair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jak-TapouT- View Post
    LOL epic!!



    I RNC someone last night to eject them.. put up a real struggle, hiting me over his head. Then just went as limp as a fish, so i had to carry him like a bride out the door - much to the laughter from the new foreign HOT barmaid i was trying to chat up.

    I'd choked the poor cunt out!
    You are in with her dude
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  9. #49

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    It's threads like this that keep me coming back to this forum, some truly brilliant stories here!
    http://www.kendallgrovemma.com/


    "You fucked his wife, fucked his fucking wife, you fucking wife fucker, you fucked his fucking wife you wife-fucking cunt, another mans wife? You stupid? You fucking thick you cunt? Fuck another mans wife? You don't do that!"

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  10. #50
    Senior Member Evzy's Avatar
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    I fucking love Blackdogs stories, I just wish he could read them to me as I fall asleep at night. I would have dreams filled with mirth and violence, fat chicks, spewing and bouncers doing piggybacks....
    Sig awaiting witty quote from someone.

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