Page 1 of 75 1231151 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 750

Thread: >> Post A Joke <<

  1. #1

    Default >> Post A Joke <<

    Got a Chinese last night & on the way home in the car I heard the bag rustling. I looked over, seen a pair of eyes looking out the top of the bag then they disappeared. Could'nt believe it.
    I carried on driving home when it happened again. I was so shocked I nearly crashed the car. I looked over and there were the eyes looking at me, then disappeared.
    I went back to the Chinese to and said " What the hell is going on with my takeaway I ordered"
    Chinese man replied " You no worry, its only Peking Duck "
    "He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed"

  2. #2
    Moderator ross90's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Middlesbrough
    Posts
    2,314

    Default

    Bloke driving to work, wasn't paying attention and he crashes into the back of a car stopped at a red light. He gets out and so does the driver in front, who turns out to be a dwarf.

    "Im not happy" said the dwarf looking at the damage to his car

    "Well which one are you then?"
    How you expect to run with the wolves come night when you spend all day sparring with the puppies

  3. #3
    Team Colosseum Tommo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Back in UK
    Posts
    3,926

    Default

    Shakespear walks into a pub....

    The Landlord says 'get out yer bard'

  4. #4
    The King of Crase DanCrase's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Manchester, England
    Posts
    4,403

    Default

    What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?

    BANANANAAAA!

  5. #5

    Default

    I went to the zoo the other day for a bit of an excursion. Anyway, I went across and saw the monkeys wanking.

    Then I went to see the giraffes. Still wanking.

  6. #6

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DanCrase View Post
    What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?

    BANANANAAAA!
    You bastard, I wanted to hate that one, but I just couldn't! Great joke lol.


    '2 antennae got married...

    The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great.'



    'How do you make an archaeologist uncomfortable?

    Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it's from.'



    'What do you call 3 naked men sitting on each other's shoulders?

    Stubbsy, pauljohnno & Ben Hutch

    I mean... a Scrotum Pole!'



    Here's one I read online once and thought was really funny... it's a bit (understatement) geeky though:

    Two atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly stops and says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron!"
    "Are you sure?"
    "I'm positive!"

  7. #7
    Senior Member Luke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Gophin' on the golf course
    Posts
    11,255

    Default

    Horse walks into A bar, bartender goes 'why the long face'... BOOM BOOM!

    Blonde walks into a bar... ouch! BOOm BOOM!

    A font walks into a bar... bartender goes, 'get out, we don't want your type here'... BOOM BOOM!

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    South Wales, Rhondda Valleys
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Sat down in a public toilet & a voice came from the next cubicle "hello mate, how you doing?" i though it was a bit strange, but i didnt want to be rude so i answered "not too bad thanks" after a short pause i heard the voice again "so, what you up to?" I answered somewhat reluctantly "just having a shit...how about yourself?? Then i heard him say "sorry mate i'll have to phone you back, ive got some twat in the next cubicle answering everything i say!"

  9. #9

    Default

    What is a Nuclear Physicists favourite meal?



























    Fission Chips

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Middlesbrough - Ormesby.
    Posts
    3,212

    Default

    Paddy goes to the doctors with a bad back, doctor asks how did you do it? Paddy replies "having sex doggy style!!"

    Doctor says "try having sex the normal way?"

    Paddy said "i have but the dog keeps licking my face!!!!"
    Last edited by pauljono1120; 30-01-2010 at 03:45 PM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

This website uses cookies to enhance user experience. They can be disabled at any time. Please see our FAQ's for details.