A Mongo Story
Myself and my team mates were attending an MMA event in Edinburgh a bunch of years ago. It may even have been Dean Reillys semi pro debut. There was a selection of roasters as this was the dark days of mma but one in particular stood out.
He had a custom hairstyle, a pair of personalised Muay Thai shorts and a bad attitude. During our warm ups we had to listen to him telling everyone how he was gonna smash his hapless opponent, that he was the best fighter in the show and occasionally hitting some focus pads and shadowboxing like there was something not right with him.
Our protagonist was egged on by 4 generations of his family coming in, regularly getting in the way to tell him how hard he was, which was very apparently. This guy was also borderline obese just to get the mental pictures right.
So after an elaborate techno entrance and an intense staredown the fight was about to begin. Unfortunatley for our plucky scamp he was fighting someone with a pulse and even more unfortunate one of Karl Tanswells guys.
The fight itself went pretty much as expected massive arsewinder punch to giving up the takedown to squeezing the head to back control and RNC finish. All pretty much according to the law of the universe.
But despite being beaten in a fight our hero tries to start a fight with the guy who just beat him in a fight. "yer a poof, a POOF, ya choked me from behind" he exclaimed much to the bemusement of his opponent. It was then that James Disco Doolan started his now famous "mongo" chant.
The mongo eventually leaves the cage 5 minutes after the winner to the rapturous applause of his inbred fan base.
Back in the warm up area we are again overwelmed by the mongo family. Apparently he is "the strongest guy here" he isnt hes a big fat guy, "just needs to learn some of those holds and hed be unstoppable" he wouldnt he was all round gash, he "was the best striker here and that big guy was afraid to stand with him" BAWHAHAHAAHAHA.
At this point im making seal noises from laughing so much and his family have started to notice. This is the same point that one of the guys breaks the aura of awesomeness surrounding captain mongo and says "listen you you have been training for 3 months, your shit, your out of condition, your an arsehole and you dont know anything about fighting, sertiously what were you doing look at your belly. Its fat"
Best day of my life.